Empty Nest Support Services

He's Leaving Home

2013-04-11T22:15:23Z

From nothing, I became something. Mom, his mom.

I am not putting myself down using the word nothing. I am saying it felt like nothing compared to being mom. I am an attorney so yes; it took focus and tough skin to make it.

Being mom was not that. It was natural to give. Giving to him made me so happy. Well, not every day. Sometimes I wanted to bang doors and push delete. I don't want to go back in time.

I have had a full development of myself as mom. I am ready for the party, the graduation, the milestone. I am not ready for missing him. I am not ready for this next stage of life.

It feels heavy. Aging. Distance. Time without. End of a purpose. I know I am not alone. I just wish all of you were in my town. It helps to be here with others.

I guess I will be here more often after my son leaves and I am here, at my computer, he not in his room, nor soccer, nor the kitchen, nor the car. He is on his way. I am here.

What will be my new way?

Thank you,
Claudine

Letting Go Again

2013-01-18T23:58:26Z

I said goodbye last year to my son and daughter as they, twins, went across the country to college. I want to find something for me now.

I am a good worker and even would go back to college, though I would be of a different age.

What are people doing after the kids leave home?

I love to knit at night, cook, read, assistant for people as needed, and travel. I use to sail.

I am a good people person and full of energy although I am not into Zumba. I like ballet.

I want to have a list of choices and start something. What have people started where they can work for themselves?

I am single now. Dating sometimes, not often, because I don't know where to meet people I am interested in.

Thank you for being here.
Elizabeth

What Do I Do?

2013-01-04T19:32:00Z

I am so sad. Kids and family gone. I am solo again. He remarried.

The nights are long and days are full for me. I want to be strong. I need to find something fun and something that has purpose. I was a lawyer and left that career. Maybe I could teach and take dance classes.

I just want a team and support for all this back and forth changes I live. Does anyone else have this going on?

I want to travel but not alone. Have you traveled solo?

I have been through losses before so I know I will be ok eventually. I started a journal for 2013.

I am also drinking power drinks to start my day. Hope it makes me fearless.

So could you all share with me what you do with all these changes?

Thank you, Katie

Holidays

2012-12-10T18:46:05Z

I don't know that people talk about this much. I need to. I am alone. I don't really like the holidays and want them to be off the TV and calendar.

I sound selfish. I would not be if I could find a new direction. All the losses come up for me this time of year. I will serve at the Mission for the Homeless and still I cry.

What do you do when you feel alone for the holidays? I actually go to bed early which I never use to do. I walk in the day. I work.

When you talk about losing meaning, I guess I have. I am ready to find new meaning. Thank goodness for the light of candles.

Any ideas or does anyone else feel lonely at the holidays? Thank you.

I can't believe my story is the only one. We all lose people we love or they move away. Tears are good. Hope needs to build, I guess.

Thanksgiving

2012-11-13T22:21:28Z

I am an empty nester. This year my kids aren't able to come home. I want to do something for myself that is a celebration of my life and is connected with others.

I am going to my Aunt's and then two days to relax. I rarely make just open time for me with no schedule, family, nor friends.

I need this before December. I finally get that my life is good enough even if I am solo at times. I am thinking there must be other women who don't have the same holidays as they use to have and continue to value them.

What has or is anyone else doing?

Thank you for allowing me a space to be me.

Elizabeth

Hello Empty Nesters

2012-09-24T18:47:36Z

I feel safe here. I just don't like life as much without my kids but no one would believe that.

On the outside I am successful, friendly, healthy, a good person. Inside I feel lonely and lost today. I miss my kids. One in college. One married. I know all the philosophy about make yourself happy, be grateful, make changes.

Today I feel so sad because I do. I know here you understand that kind of day. I wish there were more communities for bad and good days. I just need to say it here. It will pass. They are such a part of me, my children.

The void is big at times to not see or hear them like I did every day and night. Loving my kids is a different kind of love than the other loves I have in life. I feel embarrassed some days to be so sad when others have real losses of death and illness. Parents don't talk about this much so I am glad you do here.

I wonder what I will do with my free time? I wonder who I will become without kids at home? I know they will be fine and handle their lives. What about me, now?

I don't want to fall down a rabbit hole and miss a good life. I just don't know me like I use to. I will though.

Thanks for listening and being here as a community.

Keri

I Am A Big Girl Now

2012-09-05T14:48:49Z

My daughter laughed and said I am a big girl now as she hugged me goodbye at the college dorm. I cried. Darn it. I didn't' want to be the little girl in that moment. All my life I was the big girl and now for the first time I am little.

Weepy for the noisy house, the questions, the yelling, the driving back and forth, the shopping, the thermometer, and cheers.

Who else feels little? Who else wants someone to hold their hand and say I was little too.

We moms are being acknowledged in the Olympics, and now the Campaigns. Feels fantastic to be appreciated deeply.

But who holds out hands when we shrink?

I am hopeful, time heals. I am able to hold me. Still I want the people around who I care for so I feel more lifted.

I guess my new road to education is to be me, be me.

Thanks for listening,
Little one today

Inspired To Learn

2012-08-01T14:35:52Z

My daughter is leaving in two weeks for her dream college life. I want a dream too. We are close and still I am the mom, not her best friend. I have been sad and excited all summer with this big change coming.

I made a list one late night of what my dream would be. I wanted to open an orphanage when I was in my twenties or be a nurse. I am going to learn how I can do something with people who have less than I. I want to make a difference like I have in being a mom. I am not too old to go back to college or help in a foreign country or even in the great USA. Maybe I will take classes locally or maybe I will get a mentor of how to move into this new me. It honestly helps me at night to think about my dream. Still I get sad. Sad I am older. Sad she is so far away. Sad I have to let her grow without me by her side in the next room. Sad life is so fast. I tell myself not to worry that it is a waste of my thoughts. Usually I don't worry. Now the worry is like a distraction from the emptiness. I have no idea what my life will be like the day after she is in the dorm and I am in this great home. I think I will feel her gone. I never like goodbyes. I am the one that says, see you soon.

I just remind myself it is time for me to learn. Learn how to let go of what I had and hope for what will be. Learn anything, something new to make me feel great. Learn about day to day without being mom. I am not one to write or journal. I want people around me so we can talk about whatever. I am not sure who will be in my friend circle since I am single. Life changed so much with divorce and now it changes, again. Being mom has been close and then far, over and over. I don't know how to really say it. I never thought about me becoming this age that I am now. Busy and full life of work, marriage, kids, family, friends, and then single and now empty nester. Sounds so old. I am not old at all. I am just not holding the hands I held every day.

I will just be who I am, uncertain, happy, and eager to learn. I just don't want life to be busy. I want it to be connected somehow. My parents were always busy and didn't chat about much. I don't want to be so predictable in this new stage of my life. I am just wondering what new things are other parents thinking about being or doing?

Thanks,
Ally

My Son and College

2012-07-24T13:45:34Z

Today with the trauma of loss in Colorado I am worrying more. I know it doesn't do me any good to worry. I am a great mom. I just don't know who I am when he is in college. I do worry about his wellness more than his safety. I worry about what will grab my interests.

Boys are different than girls when it comes to self-care. He won't see a doctor even if he has a fever. He will lay in his dorm bed and wait it out. I am packing a first aid kit with common needs. I want to be his nurse. I want to be his cheer leader. I want to be his buddy. There, I said it. It is embarrassing to say. I want to still be in the loop of his everyday life. I figured something out last night. I just want to hear his voice because that tells me so much. If he is fine, I am good.

My letting go of my need to hear him will take me as long as it takes me. I am his mom. I am not his best friend. It ended when he was in fifth grade. I am alright with that for sure. I am not alright with his being so far away. Did I teach him what he needs to know for now? Will he be kind to people? Will he bounce back if he gets hurt or makes mistakes? I think so but he is with no one he knows and in a new city, so I don't really know how he will react.

I just need to let go. I need to believe he has what he needs and when he trips, he will find his way back up. He can call. He might not. He wouldn't want to worry me. I told him to call no matter what happens. I told him I can handle good and bad news. I can't handle not hearing from him. I don't want him to feel like he has to have me on his mind. He has to pay attention to his new life. I am in the back room, so to speak.

See, I can't really think about what I want yet. I need to have him settled then I can. My way is to try and get in front of situations and I can't do that when he is gone. I bet that will be a good thing for me to drop. He needs to carry his own suitcase.

What will be in mine? How will his first week at college be? So happy for him and that he is on his way to new dreams. I am going to go see what he is doing right now. Just a peak into his room and that is all I need today. I just need to see him in his room. I think I am rattled more than I thought with what parents are going through now that their lives are so wounded from death.

Perspective. I just got it. Thanks for listening here.

Caroline

Leaving the Nest

2012-07-13T20:27:33Z

I wish I could leave. I the mom am always the responsible one. I want to have an adventure. I am well educated. Once I get my two kids off in August I am going to take an adventure in October.

I am divorced now, so I travel solo. I will relax, be entertained in a big new city, and eat whatever my heart desires.

My kids are happy for me as long as my cell phone is with me. They want me available.

I love music so concerts are on my list. I realized no one is really going to get me to my dream but me. So I am off for my own adventure. I love the research of the trip. I do wish I had someone to go with but I will make friends wherever I am.

I am wondering what adventures other parents are taking after their kids leave home.

Allison

My Nest Is Almost Empty

2012-07-05T16:33:00Z

In four weeks, but who's counting, my son will not be in his room, day or night, weekday or weekend. That just doesn't seem real and still I cry just writing it to all of you. I am his mom. He is my son who is ready to live his dream of college. Proud and shocked. He was afraid to be held by strangers and now he will be living with them. Well you know what I mean. His friends that I adore will be scattered on the map, happy to begin their future. I don't know that i will see their parents. I think those school days and gatherings are over. Relationships will be different because our kids don't bring us together. Some I will see because we are true friends. Two , I guess.

I won't keep his door closed. I just won't be sitting in there or gathering stuff from the floor. He will be home for Thanksgiving. Doesn't that sound crazy, far away? It is summer. The week before he leaves we are making no plans... I am sure he will be with friends. I have planned a Sunday with family two weeks before he flies. My list is long of things to do before he leaves. It helps to be busy and feel needed for now. See, that is what changes. He needs me less. His peers have been a big influence. Good ones for sure. I talk myself out of getting immobile. I tell myself that after the first week, I will be fine. I think that might not be true. I just don't know how I will be or what I want to do with the free time. I am the kind that plans. I can't plan this emptiness. I am ok with crying. I just don't want to make a pool of it. Me the strong one, the get up and go one, might be down. I just don't know what I will be. I think that is a problem. This not knowing makes me anxious because he is my son, my baby boy. My good night moon and my morning sunshine.

Yes, I have a partner and friends and siblings and colleagues. I won't have my tall son in the other room or the school yard. No need to buy his favorite cereal. Oh, I could buy it for a care package. I will just skip that aisle in the market. At least for as long as I want to skip that aisle. I won't drive by his school, that is for sure. No need to force the falling tears. Ok enough for now. Who else is thinking about their almost empty nest? I can't be the only mom who just loves her son and is so happy for him and right now sad for me.

Thanks,
Cindy

Graduation is Over

2012-06-19T20:26:30Z

It is supposed to be a carefree summer feeling. I think I am worrying more than having summer fun.

August is soon and my nest will be empty. I have to be strong and not weep, except in the car when I am alone. Well, I weep because I can't help it. Why didn't I know this was such a time of mixed big feelings? No one talked about empty nest, ever. The news acts like it is no big feeling or kids come back and the nest isn't empty. Not true here.

My neighbor's kid came back but she feels empty and frustrated. We need to talk about all this. Did you guys just stay busy? Did you feel ok by December or when? Busy doesn't take this feeling away for me even though I work and have a busy life.

My kids are different and I need to be too but how do you be different and be mom?

This is not one of my best days and I bet it is how the summer goes and even after we carry the stuff, unpack, and drive away. I have no idea what that will be like except for tears and then ok and then tears, I guess. I just don't want to be alone with this big big change.

Mary

So Not Real

2012-05-21T22:28:26Z

We just wept and clapped at his high school graduation. All these people we have known for years now going different ways. Will I stay connected to these parents? Will he see his high school friends again? I think about that because that is what ends today.

Bake sales, parent meetings, after school sports, dances, mall runs, forgotten books in the locker, girlfriend and no girlfriend, popular and not, smart and not, caring and selfish. Who will sit in his seat at school? At home, that seat will be empty. Not real to me.

We cooked together or at least he showed up with the smell of chicken and rice. How often will I get to visit him?

I just ask questions so tears won't take me down deeper. Although most of my questions make me cry. It is over, the little boy. It is over, the everyday chatter and reminders and nite-nite. I will be happy for him, just not feeling that now. I am feeling blank. I am so glad he graduated and has doors open for his future.

Me, not sure about my future. Not deeply in love anymore and still a good man. Me. Who is ME? I just want to sit outside with a latte. Sit. I don't want to decide anything after the lists it took to get to today. Summer is more lists. Parties of goodbye. Then the so called DROP OFF at his dorm. I want to just SIT.

Thanks for having this website for all of us. I am not alone, am I? I wonder who I will grow to be with more free time. I hope I won't become a worrier, well not everyday worrier. That would be a waste of my life.

Anonymous

It's Over

2012-04-23T23:10:07Z

I loved being a mom even in the bratty times. I loved being a partner. Now both have ended. Well, not the mom of me, but the everyday mom. They are in college. I work and feel creative there.

I just never thought I wouldn't have a happy marriage that lasts. I am a hard worker who doesn't quit on friendships or a marriage. I can take feedback and make changes. What I can't do is live the style of life he lives now.

I know the changes of my role with my kids will improve as I take time for me and simply listen more to them and not guide.

I want some support right now rather than my leading so many aspects of my life. I am tired. I stay positive by telling myself what is good in my life. Still, I need to be uplifted at times. My friends are great.

I know my partner and I don't really want the same life for the next five years, yet alone forever. I need to let go because the actions don't match the chatter.

I am realistic of the pain and all the details change will ask of me. We have tried everything for years to make the marriage better and it just isn't going to happen.

A cloudy day as helped my tears to fall. I don't have it all worked out. I am in the tears of goodbye for now. That is good enough, wouldn't you say?

Thanks for listening,
Ally

Will I Be Accepted?

2012-03-21T21:50:34Z

My son got into the college of his choice and we have been celebrating. Now I feel a huge relief. It sounds silly, but I had this thought of accepting that I am no longer the mom he needs daily. I have good and bad days about that.

I feel like I always have to be strong for my family. I of course cry about not seeing him daily come July. At the same time, I have a tiny smile about more free time for me. I am tired.

I can't really say much about accepting myself for who I am because I have been so busy for years that I just need to know who I am. Part of the not accepting that needs no thought is, I am getting older faster than I like.

Being a mom with kids in school makes me feel youthful. Without the kids at home, I am not sure how active I will be. I don't mean I will be sitting at home but more that I won't have the active energy to feed off of when the house was so full of kids and their friends.

I don't want to just run around so the day ends faster. I want to run into me.

Does anyone else feel like this? Thank you.

Jamie