The laughs and silent moments of sorrow in feeling the letting go pain, again, touched me, tonight. We were on the
telephone support group--,teleseminar.
All of us with different histories and all of us the same …. Listening, speaking out, and reaching for connections in
our empty nests. Our children have their wings, now. Some have been coming back and forth for three years, some a
couple of weeks, and some still ruffling their wings in preparation for flight.
This is what I love about us. We were strangers who wrote to each other on the forum. Next, we added the sounds
of us on the telephone no matter what time zone we were sitting in. We still haven’t sat with each other’s eyes, but we
are seen when we are talking on the phone.
The Victorian house is so beautiful that I would live there.
Junior year moving was so much
easier than freshman move in time. My daughter is now very familiar with the routine of college days. This is her first, as I mentioned, sharing a house with her girl buddies. You could feel the freedom from the front, green porch to the
tree lined back yard, just waiting for a grill and table on the grass, where old and new friends will gather in laughter
and hugs and that good music that only those college kids seem to find!
The excitement
of first house and off campus is even bigger than we imagined. It is terrific. The girls were there and running to the
door to grab her after not seeing each other for months. My arms were full with red and yellow suitcases and an
overloaded purse of crumpled pretzel and nut bags tossed in from the plane delay and long travel, west to east.
They drew straws for who got which room and all were happy with setting up their stuff and moving
on into junior life as roomies.
We got supplies since I had the car, and we met up with the other
moms and girls for great meals and talks about summer and wishes for junior year. I felt proud and honored to be
apart of this first move in off campus.
Flying back alone is never a giggle. I am tired and in that
container of my seat with strangers. I am simply feeling the wonderment of how fast life is moving and how grateful I
am to be a mom…a mom who has a child in college, know matter what stage of life she is living and I am
living.
I did feel tearful when I passed through that walkway back to my home airport and felt the
contrast of the beginning of this journey with her and now empty without her!
How many times when our kids were younger did we say,”I know you are sad. That really hurt your feelings. I hope
the two of you get to talk to each other soon.”
I am pretty good about reassuring myself when I am hurt or disappointed. I learned how to parent myself and say what
I need. That is what I model to my daughter…talk with yourself and practice comforting and curious words. Let them
know you need help. Let them know you are hurt. A key is not to be right but to be open and learn what happened
there with us.
I think we all teach that to our kids.
I was just reminded from an email I got that we can’t be reassuring enough for them at any age. Now they just need it
in shorter words like when they were two. They can only focus so long.
The times I know she could use some extra TLC and we won’t be able to chat, I send her a short email that just lets her
know I care and I am around if she needs anything. It actually makes me feel better.
It is the little things we do that heal us and someone else even if you never get to know if that action was helpful.
