October 2005 Archives

I was driving home from the farmer’s market and there they were: the tombstones in the grass, the black witch on the roof, the splattered witch on the side of the white house, the sheet cut out ghosts swinging in the wind, the carved face pumpkins lining the walkway, and the spider web hoping to catch me.

I remember being caught in all the decorating at home,. The hunting in the stores for the bride, the maid, the dog, the mask, and the I have no idea what she just made costume, that always changed the night of Oct 31., the candy bowl by the front door, the looking for the invitation of what time the Halloween party started so we all could bob for apples, drink the cider, squish the green eyeball grapes and stick to the noodles for brains that were hovered by spooky ghost and monster sounds as you entered each room of the house.

Then you heard it, as the front door swung open…”Time to grab your bags and get the goodies. Trick or treat…here we come.

We would hold her precious tiny, soft hand, and then as she grew, we would walk behind her, saying” go ahead, you can do it…just go up to the door , knock on it and when they open, say, trick or treat. We will be right behind you. “We were so proud when she could do it all by herself and in that sweet wondrous little voice of hers.

The house owner would say, “Oh you must be ….you look great. She would hold her bag up high and they tossed in the treat. Good for you. What did you get? “I don’t know. I think a lollipop.”

Secretly, I couldn’t wait to get back to the house, and have her dump it on the floor and me try and sneak a tootsie roll any my husband wanted to grab the butterfingers. We actually felt guilty sneaking from her. We just didn’t want her to say “no that’s mine.”

Now that I remember those cold, fun together nights with her and other families, I smile with my lips pressed . I just want one more time for all of us to be little again.

I guess I will buy some candy for the new young trick or treators and their families. I guess I will do the paper, bag sand filled lanterns on the walkway. I guess I will wait and buy the candy until that day or I will eat it. I guess I will take some pictures of strangers, just to be in the ole spirit of it. I guess I will call her.

No she has it handled. She doesn’t want me talking weeks ahead about her costume or plans for Halloween. That would be embarrassing. Just light when the light switched off and she said, “Mom, I am not going trick or treating with you this year. I am walking way ahead of you and then to a party.” I guess that was a sneak preview of, let go.

She isn’t even thinking about Halloween today. It is too far off for her when she has so many other great things going on everyday at college. What a dork I would be if I sent her a costume, but it does make me smile to think of doing the prank of dorkiness. “The experts”would call me a helicopter parent who crashed….. TRICK OR TREAT….

So do I risk being a dork, just so I have a reason to call and a reason to reminisce…you know the, “Hey I know you are really busy with rehearsal and all that stuff, do you want me to send you anything for Halloween? Remember the time you and your best friend, Beth, didn’t know it, but we went over to her house for the party before trick or treating and she was dressed as a bride, too.? Those are great photos we have of you two…

Well, now that I hear myself talking , I will pass on calling her. I am not into being rejected or feeling like a dork today.

I just am into smiling about the fun friends, candy dumping and hiding the candy under the bed so they wouldn’t eat too much, and the costume parades at school, when the proud parents had a chance to be together and laugh at the entertainment of our children.

Until grandchildren….I am an empty nester at Halloween!

I cried, but that’s nothing new! Sitting cross legged on the hardwood floors of her rented Victorian house, filled with parents, siblings, and college kids, I listened and looked at these vibrant, talented, young women singing to us in their everyday jeans and t shirts.

I am on the count down…only one more family weekend and this too will end…another community fading out. Well, I will push that floating thought out the stained glass window and simply be here.

I see the changes in her face. She has always been a beauty inside and out. But, what do you expect a mom to say about her daughter?

I watched her put white, tea candles around, dahlias in glasses, fall leaves she gathered, placed on the staircase. She arranged fruits, cheeses, crackers on unmatched plates. The napkins were folded next to the matching paper plates.

Now, she is the hostess and entertainer. I am the invited guest.

Under the Big Top on campus, with the rain tapping above, they performed two shows for the community and entire campus. Sitting on folded chairs, I watched dancers,, actors, singers on stage. Silently singing along, applauding on my feet, their youthful, artsy, passion filled me.

The next evening, I had another first. Sitting in a converted beautiful candle lit, Victorian House, with a guitarist playing, my daughter was my waitress.

Black shoes, black skirt, covered with a tied back, long, pin- striped apron, white shirt, topped with her rich, big, brown eyes and full crimson lips, she said,” would you like to hear the specials?” P.S. I gave her a 25% tip.

We sat on brown bar stools at our favorite lunch and gourmet shop the next day. It is always my returning feeling when I walk in and Trudy says, “You’re back, good to see you again. How long are you staying?” I go there everyday. It is also, my last stop to get treats for the long flight back home.

Back at her house, we add some homey touches…a rug, lights around the window, photos she took, framed on the wall, and a little green and white dish to drop her rings and keys.

Rainy days, so no hikes, but rain or shine, we shop, as do all the other parents you pass with dripping umbrellas on the streets of this quaint, friendly, small town.

Lucky me….another wonderful visit with my daughter and her friends.

“Bye, mom. I love you,” she sweetly says. I press my lips listening to her send me off with warmth. “Call me when you get home, mom.” We get one more hug in, “I love you, too. I will call you. I had a wonderful time with you and your friends. So proud of the life you are building. Take care, sweetie!

“Hi sweetie, is there something you want me to bring next week?”

The preparation and excitement includes the details, again, of flights, car rental, and hotel bookings. Do I need a skirt? How cold is it there? My inner dialogue of packing, gets interrupted when I glance at the clock.I have a client in twenty minutes. “Hun, what time are you home tonight.? Let’s go out to eat.”

This visit is Family Weekend. I am headed to her new life as a junior, where she lives with female house mates off campus. I’ll meet some of her friend’s parents, as well as, sign up for mini-classes that are offered. I will see her decorated room and watch her meander from the kitchen to the living room, as she gathers her stuff and runs out the screen door, down the steps of that green porch I remember carrying suitcases and Tide up in August.

My focus is time with her, on her timing. She is performing three times during the weekend for parents, students, faculty and community in the oldest and best female( bias statement),a cappella group on campus. Her working in the restaurant goes on, her social life engages her, and studying probably waits until Sunday night…..late.

“Mom , I know I have told you fifty times this week that the pre-performance is at our house . I really need help with the shopping and set up. My housemates will be here, too, but they are not in the performance. “

“No problem. Your town has food. She laughed. “I just have so much to do that weekend and we have 3 evening rehearsals. Got to go!. Can’t wait to be with you, mom.” “Oh can you bring my guitar? Maybe we can get a hike in, and not a flat one. I really missed you today, mom. Bye, love ya,”click goes the cell phone.

I am more relaxed this time because of experience . I can visualize where I will be spending the weekend, rather than visiting map quest.

My exuberance for her first hug is wordless. I am finally in the rental car, after waking at 4 a. m. , landing at 5 p.m. Every time I am driving across the bridge toward her, I think it is just around the corner and it isn’t.

I still have to hold the anticipation until I hear her yell, “‘MOM,” see her beauty, and get that squeeze. My smile is permanent for now!