The holidays have tapped on our door and empty time is placed in the basement.
I still have my intention
to engage in a creative force. I feel the chaos from my to-do list, the shopping, the events to schedule, the want to
bring joy and beauty to my home, and keeping creativity flowing.
Right now, my creativity is expressed
through writing. I am passionate about desires, ways to fulfillment, acceptance, creativity, wildness, connectedness,
paradoxes, and perspective. I have a huge curiosity about communication styles and happiness. I like change. I want
to explore every nook and cranny about life. I wonder about entering elder hood. I wonder about behaviors we do. I
wonder about the bigger picture.
I believe all creativity is of value even if no one sees it or likes it, but
me. It engages me in new ways and leads me. It is a surrender and satisfaction. It is mine and not. Creativity gives me
a relationship with me that is different than with another person.
I just need to show up with my blank
page, be honest, and let it flow.
Sometimes, I say,” I don’t have anything to write today.” Every time
those words are in my head, it is like a key unlocking the front door. I am in. Those can be some of my most
surprising and fun creative times. I like when my imagination gets time to be expressed. That comes when I have
empty time.
I am reminded that holidays for me are a time of being deeply touched and reflective.
Writing does that for me. I show up empty and then fill up at the end of the page.
My empty time is not
my work time. It is scheduled so I can have it. I start my day with writing and black coffee in a mug that my husband
says looks more like a soup bowl. I say to him that it is my only coffee of the day, and I savor every ground fresh
black sip I take. He smiles and kisses me into the day as he leaves for the office.
In order for me to
enjoy the journey of writing, I am not attached to what I thought would come of this time. It is one of my greatest
practices in the value of creating something and not judging it.
Creativity is valuable even if I throw it in
the trash or tuck it in a drawer and do nothing with it.
Since being an empty nester, I shifted from the
phrase,” IF I HAD MORE TIME I WOULD…”
To, “I HAVE MORE TIME SO TODAY I WANT
TO…”
Empty time and creativity became my newest friends.
That makes me feel so
alive and happy.
Don’t look for me in the basement during the holidays. It is my empty
time!
If you knew you had more time and could not fail what would you schedule for your empty
time?
When my tears bring me down, and I curl into bed missing that love…..I let myself sob… I
empty…
Empty, vacant without a sign out for anyone to see…nothing to sell or draw attention
to…nothing…
Empty and filling with memories of us. …IF I HADN”T LOVED SO HAPPILY, I wouldn’t feel
loss now.
I’m not sorry for loving and being so happy. I am still happy.
Right now, I just
miss laughing with her, so I let my tear fall and I say inside myself, with such a quiet voice, I miss you. Wish you were
here.
There is nothing I can do to change what is. She died and I can’t have Thanksgiving planning,
shopping, falling on the floor laughing, singing, shouting “hey can someone run down to the store and get more chicken
broth?”
I can’t plop on the bed with her and hide from the kids for a few minutes. I can’t hear her tell
her hubby and mine…We need more ice for the sodas….
I can’t share the red lipstick and black eyeliner
in the bathroom or swap dangling earrings for the day. I can’t gossip about that loony family member, name won’t be
said, that is talking non stop in the living room.
I can’t say to her, let’s change that music and bring out
some red wine.
I can’t laugh about how our kids are just growing up too fast and we want to freeze
frame now. This means we are getting older, too.
I can’t say, let’s go for a walk on the trail and then
come back for coffee and dessert.
I can’t say, see you in the morning …I love you… long, tight hugs,
great turkey day!
I can’t say…………but I can always let my tears fall and be caught by the love I have
for her and let her know, too , that I miss her and love her so much….that losing her was my biggest lesson in nothing
lasts forever!
In celebration of a best friend who loved, suffered, questioned, and raised her heart to let
us know she would always love us…more than chocolate, frozen yogurt with almonds on top…. I wish all of us a
thanksgiving that includes what we have and what we don’t have….
May the losses and memories and
new experiences in our life…remind us…to be present, compassionate and say, I LOVE YOU, every chance we
get….Natalie
My grateful list as an Empty nester…2005
Healthy, for I have been ill before and know what illness
requires from me.
Being really loved and loving….. Safe foundation to plant my feet and step forward,
responsible love, wise love, the reaching a hand out love… I have your back love, the safe place to land love, the
playful, romantic, creative, spiritual love, the vulnerable love, the I don’t get it love that teaches differences are just that,
differences!
Forgiveness and apology love; surprise, joyous love; the mystery of
love.
True in the moment love; gentle, encouraging, safe kind of love…
Truth is this kind
of love is not found in one relationship. It is valuing what a relationship can and can not give us and therefore, making
our own happiness. I am grateful I have figured that lesson out and now live it!
Thankful I make the time
to be…to empty
Thankful for compassion that I feel not in my head alone, but in a resting place of my
heart.
Thankful for singing, laughing, writing, dancing, photographing, gardening, cooking, traveling,
MUSIC….and bread!
Thankful I am stopped by BEAUTYThankful I can cry and sob and not figure
anything out in that moment…simply let go…
Thankful I really know what it means to trust, especially in
chaos and loss.
Thankful I live with paradoxes and the skills to let life unfold
me.
Thankful for not being out the door everyday at 6:00 a.m.
Thankful for
choice
Thankful my phone rings and I smile.
Thankful I have some computer skills for
connection and entertainment.
Thankful for amaryllis, red flowers that remind me of past holidays and
the magic of life.
Thankful I feel a belonging to a new community.
Thankful I feel the
benefits of being a grown up woman.
Thankful I know who I am and I know who I am
not
Thankful I appreciate what I have contributed.
Thankful I can attend to what comes
my way.
Thankful I have the ability to be present and live the treasured life I have
today.
What are you grateful for that surprised you from last year’s list?
May each of us
hold out our hands in appreciation of what we have been given and what we hope for in life…. joining to make being
human a dance and garden…
Celebrate Thanksgiving… for here is another opportunity to connect,
laugh, and pig out!
Natalie
Empty nest will be full. Holidays are next week. I have been routinely working away, long days and nights. I let my
honey know. “Take me away. Pull me out of here or I will keep on this schedule and back right into fluffing her room,
and marketing with the pumpkin pie, stuffing, and roasted turkey list. . . HELP ME”
We empty nesters will
be filled with the excitement of kids coming back home. My husband and I told ourselves that we would do a one night
get away before the holidays. Just we time! Relaxation time!
We decided to do the errands Saturday
morning and then take a drive. We didn’t want to be in traffic or on the road for more than an hour.
We
picked an area we hadn’t driven to in years. It was a 30 minute drive and we were parked and stepping out into the
get away.
We walked and talked and held hands. We patted ourselves on the back, that at the last
minute, we actually broke our routine. We even packed an over night bag and tossed it in the bed and breakfast hotel.
We made it out of our neighborhood and into one that was on our fun list.
We stood on small bridges
with bikers, skateboarders, and strollers passing by. “Ah, did you see how precious that little girl was tucked under
the white blanket in the stroller?”
People were taking pictures of their dogs and smiling with pride.
Parents were bending down picking up tossed off socks from their little ones carried in backpacks. We were free and
ecstatic.
Of course we talked about her coming home. She is our little one and both of us were plotting
what would be fun if we got a chunk of time with her besides for cooking with her for Thanksgiving and having
friends and family visiting.
My idea was to pull together a bowling night with her friends and ours.
Then we realized…she will be home for three nights and I doubt that bowling is on her fun list. I just wanted a good
laugh together and to bring the cupcakes.
She will want R and R time in the house, her friends, seeing
the movie RENT, and sushi in her favorite home restaurant.
She and I will probably hike and shop.
I just realized that us time has turned into talking about her. Doesn’t that sound familiar as a
parent?
Back to breaking a routine and having us time…..we had it. It was FANTASTIC and easy and in
our budget. We didn’t even dress up…jeans and tennis shoes…relaxed and just us in a new environment that felt like
we were far away from work and errands and clean up. I named it my French Fry get away with my honey….I ate
more fries than I ate in a year…no regrets, either.
Hoping you get a way to break your routine and
recharge your spirits and connection! What would you name your empty nest break?
My girlfriend and I were hiking this morning and she asked me, “What sweet treats do you like?” Pumpkin bread, dark
chocolate, and surprises…
I just think it is so sweet when anyone surprises me. That lasts much longer than
the immediate gratification of food and takes a shorter time to work off. …
Don’t get me wrong. I am no
pure, cleanse, person who won’t eat a Twinkie. I just love the moment of a surprise. I feel like a kid again…special. HE
says, “I have a surprise for you “…and he’s got me! …
My husband did the surprise thing this weekend.
Yes I had to ask for it during the week,” honey will you surprise me with something this weekend?” but who cares…I
got it. …
We went to the batting cage and did the “swing, batter batter, swing”…song. We wore red
helmets, and paid $2.50 for twenty-five hits. He was better than I was. We both laughed so hard, especially at how it
tickled our hands because the speed was so fast as it hit the bat. …
He knew this was on my wish list.
We will go again. We talked about golf lessons, too, but that is a longer time commitment and right now, not realistic.
…
Then we drove about 30 minutes to the farmer’s market. We sampled Asian pears, persimmons, and
bought a bag of organic fruits and basil. …
We walked across the street to our favorite beach. We
hadn’t been down there for months and were reminded of the peace and beauty of just walking on the sand and
seeing the vastness of water and the rhythm of its sound. …
Then it was off to lunch…chicken,
cilantro salads, and peanut butter yogurt for a treat. …
We held hands, sneaked a kiss, giggled at our
morning batting skills. …
Those are the treats that are sweet! …
Wishing you empty
nesters, sweet treats! …
Natalie
