“Hi Dad, its Jill. . . They released me.”
I am an empty nester. I am a stranger to Jill.
But, I
am a mother and the news of her freedom, today, turned me away from my work and into my tears.
I
can not imagine what the months of fear, prayer, and begging for her release, is like for her parents and
friends.
I simply want to say let her be.
Let her recover. Let her heal. .
Let her family
and friends heal..
Let them embrace each other..
Let them recover in privacy.
The
major change, the transition from captivity to freedom is beyond a miracle and one that needs a sacred space to
heal.
May their tender hands hold each other and their long awaited eyes meet in gracious love of
parent and child.
Welcome home. Welcome home. Welcome home.
Anticipating empty nesters are waiting for college acceptance letters. Some families have them in hand, and some are
scheduling flights and hotels to take their children on the college tours. Weddings are being planned. Jobs are being
researched for those graduating.
Prayers for our troops and hopes for peace are in our
hearts.
The commonality is all families want the best match for their children and at the same time are in
moments of fears and tears that the emptying is coming closer.
A time of transition, a time of hope, and
a time of new freedom, springs across the lawns today.
Go to friends. Go to planning something just
for you that will care and comfort. A massage, a walk in nature, a captivating book, a candle by a warm bath, music
playing, dinner out in a quiet setting, journaling, and an inner voice that reminds you, “ you are doing the best you can
today and I love you, no matter what.”
This is a time in your busy days, to make that list of what
comforts you and what ignites you. You are headed into changes. A little preparation provides some
comfort.
You are welcome to email me with any feelings and questions that are springing up in buds
and blooms.
Branching out to you,Natalienatalie@emptynestsupport.com
You, the parents, have learned how to live happily as an empty nester. You discovered what you like to do, what you
didn’t have time to do, and how you want to add meaning to your life. You made new friends. You built a new
community.
On this road of constructing your new life, you hit good and bad weather days. You
learned what equipment you need to survive and thrive.
But, you did not equip yourself for the wind to
toss your child back into your nest.
“Failure to Launch,” the movie, brings up the question of what role
am I going to play now that my nest is full again. How do I still have my happy life and be a devoted
parent.
The reality is, your baby has not returned home. Your baby is an adult now. It is neither funny
nor romantic to have grown children move back home.
So here is the most important thing to remember:
When kids return, your inner voice has to tell you,” I do not need to manage their life. They are no
longer children. They have returned home as adults.”
Therefore, you are required to shift again. You
ask yourself, “What is my role, now?” The answer is, to be roommates and negotiate how we can respectfully and
happily live together.
Inner voice speaks again…..They are not children. They are adults who do not
need me to manage their life. They have a life or they have to build one. They are old enough to make choices and
deal with the results. I trust they too will survive and thrive. We are now negotiating as roommates.
I
am living with those paradoxes again that say, Yes, I am your parent and always will be, and I have my own life, as do
you.
You do not need me to manage your daily life. You are an adult now.
You’ve got it
or you will get it. Love doesn’t mean I, your parent, throw my needs to the wind since you are home,
again.
What matters is you are present, being a role model, true to your values, and, as in any
meaningful relationship, teaching who you are and what you need.
When kids move back home, as
adults, they need to learn the skills of negotiating, feeling grateful, and acting curious.
GOOD NIGHT
AND GOOD LUCK
Natalie CaineEmptynestsupport.com
