I will never like the hugs goodbye. I will always like the big smiles, the jumping up and down, hugs hello.

My daughter and three nephews pulled out of the night driveway. Good news is I did not have to take them to LAX because my brother had to fly home as well.

It was a family celebration from Wednesday until this morning, filled with my daughter’s friends stopping by, house guests, airbeds, wet green towels on the chair, red roses in vases, food on every table, football, gifts for the bride and groom (my nephew’s wedding), dinner Saturday night at my house before the morning wedding, sharing cars to shop, market, get hair cuts, red wine spilled on the white table cloth, forgotten Thanksgiving apple pie on top of the dryer, being blocked by a parade on the way to the Sunday ceremony, swing dancing with my 86 year- old mother at the reception, and of course, my daughter apologizing as she wheeled her black suitcase out to the rental car, saying,” I’m sorry I left a messy room. I love you so much.” My brother was beeping the horn to get everyone on board and the grown tall boys were squishing in the back seat. I stood in the driveway waving and yelling, “Love you”.

Silence inside but the feel of people who laughed and love each other still filled every corner, as my husband and I turned out lights, carried more dishes to the sink, and stepped over piles of unwanted clothes in my daughter’s room.

She texed me from the plane that the red eye was leaving 20 minutes late, but she would still make her connector flight. She arrived in upstate New York at 6:00 am. west coast time. I called her and she was waiting for her luggage and said not only was it fun to fly part way with her nephew, but that one of her friend’s was on the same flight heading to a different college and they hung out during the short layover. I just let go more when she is safely back at her east coast college.” Mom, I had so much fun. I gotta get sleep before my one o’clock class. Love ya”.

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I have changed my menu because my daughter, for the first time, is a Vegetarian. Of course, the rest of us will eat as much meat as desired, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my sweet daughter.

Ask me if I feel that way Sunday when she flies from the west to the east to carry on her senior year. I imagine it will be a wonderful holiday and shared wedding celebration for my nephew.

I just need to remind myself to be in the moment, to drop the small stuff, and to lower my expectations of how grand the holidays are or at least get out of the Hallmark aisle and get real.

I will make time to be an observer of all the vibrancy and interactions so I can take it all in and store it in my heart for the times the house gets too quiet and my email is empty of messages from her.

Thank goodness I washed my grey sweats so I will have no guilt filling up with pumpkin pie and stuffing while everyone is asleep the morning after the feast. Those are my favorite foods. Secretly, I don’t even eat the turkey. I am all about the forbidden foods of carbohydrates and sweets. Now that is something to be thankful for.

Natalie

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“I know it is a time of gratitude, but I’m not feeling it.” A single mom called me asking for a consultation. She lives in New York with her dog and great job, but she feels useless.

Her son is married and her daughter is studying abroad. Neither will be able to visit for Thanksgiving and she can not travel to see them.

Memories of how it use to be and wishes for how it could be if only……….are scaring her and for good reason. No one wants to be away from people we love, especially during the holidays. “It’s just not fair to love so deeply, for the TV and stores to be blasting with smiles, hugs, and preparation for the holidays, and for me to be feeling so alone,” she cried.

What I appreciate about the human spirit is that we can let ourselves be brave enough to cry, to pick up the phone for help, to not know what is next, and to practice being present with whatever is going on in our lives. It is never easy, but it is freeing.

I know vulnerability is normal, but often hidden because we just don’t want to feel pain again and again and we don’t want people to abandon us because we aren’t feeling jolly or grateful. Sometimes I dance around what I am feeling rather than just accepting that I am vulnerable these days.

Ms. New York helped me, as much as, I hope I was able to be there for her.

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A woman, mother, and grandmother, speaks out and gets the vote!

Women this week check their favorite recipes because the kids are coming back home. It’s time to clean up their room, in case you have taken it over and want to leave no trails behind.

There are moments I have to remind myself to pass on being super mom, who wants the house to look perfect, their bed room to be fluffed, and the food to be a winner.

Like planning for a vacation, the preparation is so much fun.

I read that one of the top cook books just out, is called,” Happy in the Kitchen,” by Michel Richards. I am happy in the kitchen when my family is home.

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I had a day and evening with a friend of fifteen years, who is also an empty nester. Both of our girls are seniors in college. We hadn’t seen each other in eight months, although we email weekly and chat on the phone. She divorced and it takes a plane for me to get to her.

Before we shared wine, I told her about one of my new voices that goes like this, “I Just Don’t Care.” I don’t care that your truck broke down and that is why you were late. I don’t care that you had to stop at the hardware store for supplies and are late. I don’t care that you ran out of gas because you forgot to check the tank. We laughed until it was too late for the restroom. The stories of, I just don’t care, included our kids whining , a partner’s glazed eyes when we say, you come up with an idea, colleagues procrastinating, or workers at our house who are four days behind.

The compassionate, negotiator, forgiving, manager, now has competition with the, “I just don’t care,” personality.

Can you relate to hearing this new voice in your head and actually speaking it when needed? Boy, it feels good to have that part of me alive and well, especially with the holidays around the corner, if you know what I mean.

Natalie

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Each year we get less adorable trick or treaters. I still love opening the door and hearing, “trick or treat.” I did not get misty eyed.

This morning I feel the holidays and kids coming back home. I like looking up recipes and planning meals. I will have to practice lowering my expectations. I am not the same nor are the kids coming back home.

My nephew is getting married and a big gathering; celebration is headed our way for Thanksgiving. It is my daughter’s first time being a bridesmaid, oh no, she was one when she was six.

I will have a dinner here Saturday, the night before the wedding. My mom is 86. Turkey day will be pot luck. Sunday is the wedding.

These changes I like. I always cry when I greet my family and friends coming up the driveway.

What changes are headed your way? Natalie

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