Susan sobbed during our session sharing from her hotel room that she cancelled her flight to stay two days longer in the college town where she dropped off her freshman son. She couldn’t find her way back home until she stayed downtown , near by , in order to be available if something came up for him.

He didn’t know anyone. She wasn’t ready to be three thousand miles away from her only child.

I think it takes courage and awareness to change plans, care for yourself, and release what others might think about you.

Those two extra days allowed her to make new pictures in her mind of where her son would be hanging out and to feel a little connection to this new community he would have. She walked in the parks, ate in cafes, read in the bookstores, chatted with the locals, and felt her aloneness.

“I wasn’t ready to be ripped away. I had not idea those feelings would come up for me. I knew it was my problem and that he didn’t have to do anything for me. I just needed a little more time. I did get to sit across from him at the café and watch his face as he told me how excited he was about his roommate and music class. Knowing he was happy made it easier for me to fly back home, but I sobbed again when the plane left the ground.”

Finding our way includes dealing with what is in each moment without a critic hammering in your head. Susan and her son will have this story forever and no one got hurt by changing a plan.

Posted by Natalie Caine at 02:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sharon, a mom of a junior in college, during our phone consultation, told me she is torturing herself because she feels so needy. She wants her son to call when he gets there. She wants him to email her how his day is going. She wants to know what he is doing for the weekend.

No, she isn’t crazy. She is unrealistic. She is a mom in the role of being a mom. She is learning how to let go of that role that she loved for eighteen years.

Sharon simply needed a reminder that her son left home to stand tall on his own and that her new job is to stand tall with herself and her life, little steps at a time. Cry when you feel the sadness. Be kind to yourself. Take a chance.

Catching yourself in your old role is a good thing. Saying sorry is powerful. Counting to five before you call your child or email is an easy pause button.
Better to give yourself advice rather than giving it to your child unless they ask for it. Focus on your new life and let them build theirs.

I know none of this is new information it is just we need to remind each other. We love our role as parents and want to stay connected. We love our kids. But love means we need to look in the mirror and ask what we need to make us happy without being in their life. Let them fly with all the weather systems and seasons. They can do it.

Sharon laughed when she realized she had unrealistic expectations and just kept focusing over there because she couldn’t see anything out her window for herself. If we keep looking out the window to see what’s happening, we miss what is happening inside ourselves. We miss this moment. We put life on hold because we are waiting for THE BIG THING to fulfill us beyond parenting.

Hey, life is good simply having coffee, connecting with people, eating a healthy meal, stepping outside for a walk, seeing beauty, reading the paper, being able to make choices in the free time you finally have.

I know it isn’t easy and I know we need each other to travel this empty nest.

Posted by Natalie Caine at 04:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)