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When parents reminisce about trick or treating with their adorable brides, witches, and super men, they also remember the dud treats that dropped in their child’s bag. Toothbrushes, three pennies, raisins, bananas.
What do you remember?
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Helen Keller
Deborah told me during our telephone session that she is obsessing at staying connected with her children at college. She doesn’t agree with those labels of helicopter parents which have been on the talk shows. “Why do they attack parents rather than diving deeper into what’s really going on? We have never been here before and OMG we are told to rise and shine and get on with our lives and BACK AWAY FROM OUR CHILDREN,” Deborah said.
Long story short what helped her was focusing back on her interests of photography, reading to her niece with a picnic at the park, and going to lectures at her local museum in the evenings. Deborah hides in fear at times and who doesn’t? Now she is ready to open a door. We developed a Halloween Party for five women that she could host. The moms will bring their dream list to read to each other. Deborah’s reminder is: the evening is not about getting productive. It is about not isolating, having pure fun, and stepping up just a little bit at a time.
Reading your dream list to others can be spooky, especially if you are drawing a blank on what you want. What if you never follow through, what if you can’t think of anything to dream about, and what if everything sounds too trite? Well, before you write it and speak it, tell your inner critic and perfectionist to get out.
During one of my Halloween gatherings I told Deborah that we laughed, gave each other tips for a flexible plan of structure, added tips for each others dream list, wrote steps of action and re-checked email address and phone numbers so we could stay connected. Pot luck food included chicken tikki, wine, maple iced pumpkin bread, salad with feta, basil, orange peppers, and tomatoes and bowls of our favorite candy. Mine is candy corn. Treats filled our orange empty bag as we hugged and walked out the door. PS. I had a basket of masks and finger paints that we wore during part of the evening and a tape of spooky sounds. I put orange paper and black pens around for writing. Candles of witches and pumpkins lit our way.
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
In my group, sweet Susan said with a slight laugh, “Loss is necessary but is empty nest?” We were talking about the losses over our life. Susan was having a sad day. Her bottom line was, I tried for months to get pregnant, then bed rest, then raise him alone after age two, no one told me loss is necessary and he will leave, and won’t put a thank- you note in my mailbox. They did show commercials for food, toys, and diapers. Experts on morning talk shows tell us how to talk to our kids and how to get our kids to talk. Watch for signs of depression , drug use, partying when you aren’t home and don’t let them have sex, but how come there were no doctors or experts saying, AND DON”T LEAVE HOME cause your mama will cry.
Susan and all of us laughed after passing her Kleenex. She gave me an idea for the group:
I said, “Let’s throw out ideas for a comedy movie we will write called
YOUR MAMA WILL CRY”.
- Your mama will cry if she is not your best friend
- Your mama will cry if you don’t call her.
- Your mama will cry if you don’t say she is the best mama a kid could ever have.
- Your mama will cry if you don’t let her live with you.
- Your mama will cry if she doesn’t like your partner
- Your mama will cry if you don’t come for Sunday dinner
- Your mama will cry if you don’t spend the holidays with her.
Well you get the idea
What would you write for the comedy movie?
Leave a comment…….