March 2008 Archives

Hi there,

I hope spring is in the air and with it seeds of new ways of being. Parents have been calling and asking about tips for graduation and crying that it is almost here... change. Most of them have said they are so busy that tears still fall with the last events of school days, but they want to make graduation day fun. Oh the art of enjoying and being present, packed with Kleenex.

So, I thought we would share here what helped in the celebration and the falling of tears. I think a reminder is....this is their day so ask what ideas they have and offer ones you have been thinking about. Everyone is so busy and emotional for good reason that the ones, who can offer suggestions, have a chance to take that lead.

One of my favorite high school graduation things was to put things in every room that were part of my daughter's life...soccer uniform, red and white skirt that she had to wear everyday in pre school, art she made, photos, letter to the tooth fairy begging her to leave something but not take her tooth, framed collage saying from here to there with photos at different ages of her life and with the people she loves. I had pamphlets and photos of the college she was heading towards so people had an image of her new life.

College graduation, I didn't ask her, but took a risk that it would be ok if I gave everyone from the family her favorite song on a CD and played it at the restaurant, since the restaurant is a place she worked and they loved surprising her. It was called. “HEAVENLY DAY” by Patty Griffin. I still cry seeing all of us at the dinner table, looking at her in her fresh white sleeveless dress, long brown hair, warm smile, and hearing the song.

I also had two wish bowls on the table and paper and pens for people to write a wish and roll it up and toss it in the bowl...they were funny and sentimental as she read them out loud and we tried to guess who wrote them. I gave each person who came to her celebration a hanky for graduation day.

Photos were taken all weekend with throw away cameras and quickly developed so I could pass them around at our last gathering on campus and then save them for her. I even gave cameras to the little ones and they loved seeing the photos they took and then gave to my daughter.

Parents over this spring break plan to have the graduation celebration planning talk, but realize their children just might not know what they want right now. So here's to planning and helping everyone on the way to a milestone of pride and change.

Lots more to say later about caring for yourself during the celebration, but for sure, crying will happen and choosing to enjoy all of it rather than care taking or worry, will make this joyous moment full.

Feel the pride and excitement of their hopeful future. Believe in them and smile big that you carried love for them all through their growing life and from that, they are blooming.

Natalie

Let yourself be silently drawn towards the stronger pull of what you really love."
-Rumi

This is another one of my favorite quotes. When we let ourselves be quiet, close our eyes, and fall into a restful place, we have a chance to hear other parts of ourselves that really matter in our wholeness.

It can be awkward or feel like nothing is happening, but I think part of this transition is the stillness and the gifts that emerge from that place. It is so common and natural that we don't know what we want to do next..that is why I like the word ...unfold...Some thrive better with doing and that is fine. It is fun and enlivening.

There is also time for stillness, which after full time parenting definitely takes time and practice to develop.

Well, I just wanted to pass this onto all of our community who are so bravely beginning again no matter if your children just left or it has been years. Change is a journey and I am wishing all of us the courage and joy in taking steps outside of our comfort zone.

I love writing and as you know that didn't re-emerge for me until my daughter left for college. I have been blessed to make new friends with this new love I have. I told my mother today that she formed a community playing bridge and mine, in part, has been in writing. She is almost 88 and still smiles when she has the good health to sit at a bridge table. We laughed about homework as a writer and she said, I could never do homework again. I just love it when my mom laughs. I bet our children love it when we laugh. Anyhow, I hope all of you are heading into springing forward with hope and fun ideas.

Take care, Natalie

So let's share what we love even if it is a romantic book, a wine, a yummy meal, a movie, a recipe, etc.

Parents are cleaning, marketing, fluffing up the bedroom pillows and yakking on the phone with friends about how excited they are that their children will be home this week.

What has been sleeping is awakened with the joy of having children back home.

You hope the plane isn’t delayed, but that is just part of the home coming. Favorite foods in the pantry and refrigerator and thoughts of their friends stopping by like high school days.

The anticipation is like shopping and planning for a wonderful warm vacation.

A mother said to me, “yes, they are coming home for spring break, but their breaks are at different times. We are disappointed that we can’t do a family vacation together but will at least have time with each one.”

This is the first time that our family has no spring break on the calendar. After years of anticipation and planning, that instantly disappears since she graduated college. No spring breaks.

I am feeling left out of what seemed to be a lifetime fun time with my daughter….spring break…with us, not with us, off with friends, exhaustion from exams, her friends popping in with stories and eating in the kitchen, friends and family calling excited to see her.

During her college years, she would call at airplane layover’s, sometimes saying, “Mom, the plane is delayed but I can’t wait to be home.”

My role of nurturer falls into place with no rehearsal. “Do you have enough money to get something at the airport while you are waiting? I have lentil tomato soup on the stove and cornbread…all with vegetable stock. I tried a new vegetarian recipe. Can’t wait to hug you. Call again when you board. See you soon. You are almost home, sweetie.” Then I get misty-eyed after I hang up the phone and walk into her room to see if it looks fresh. Do I put the teddy bear on the bed or is she too old for that? Well, I will just put it there and take the risk of being foolish.

Who doesn’t love time with their children? Well, so goes change. Some of her friends are working and others are in grad school. My nephew will be coming home for spring break, his freshman year, so that is a good thing.

I’m looking ahead to planning Passover at my home with my almost 88 year old mother and family: aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, siblings, etc…and of course, my daughter, who will probably be bringing new friends from her work and new home town about two hours away.

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com