December 2008 Archives

Will you be able to be present with whatever presents you give or receive? 

Now is the time to laugh, hug, and have little surprises fill our homes.  We set the tone and I actually like taking on that role.

As I have shared with you before, I get present because I like being a positive role model. Sounds corny, but it really does motivate me to be at my best and be real.  After all, what is more important than the person right in front of you?

• Everyone is in need of a hug and a good story so shift when fears and mistakes pop in the kitchen.
• Ask for help so you care for yourself.
• Gather your music collection, candles, and greens from outside.
• Fill your baskets with quotations, games, photos, and a funny book.  We like to play Apples to Apples, watch the games, cook, hike, cuddle, see movies, sit around, play our stale guitar and piano and click away those digital cameras that I am still trying to figure out how to upload and then find on my computer.  A friend just told me that my camera also takes black and whites. I got my first digital camera two months ago and obviously didn't read the manual.  It takes video as well.  Too much info for me.  I like the immediate gratification of click, look, and say, great shot.
• Keep it simple. Make their room feel cozy and alive again. I do votive candles, and small white twinkle lights, as well as, a basket of fruit and water by her bedside.

My tradition is to read a new book to her. It is wrapped and set on her bed.  Truth is, I still choose a children's book.  Don't tell.... I chose "The Pigeon Wants a Puppy" by Mo Williams. My daughter has a fantastic collection of children's books from this tradition.  We cuddle in her bed and I read to her.  I just love it no matter what day it happens. Letting go of schedules has helped over the years.

What matters this holiday are kindness, beauty, laughter and lots of food. Come on...a filled cupboard and refrigerator is a good feeling.  It doesn't have to be all fattening and expensive foods. It does have to be quick, comforting and yummy.  Soups are staples. 

Practice being playful, relaxed, loving. Lower your expectations and you won't be as frustrated. People are good. They just don't always do things as you wish they would. 

Be that safe harbor for those who enter your lovely home.

Our children want to feel and see hope at home. Use this time together to be uplifting and playful.  Have meaningful conversations because believe it or not, they are interested in the world and ways you think about it all. They like discussions on their timing, of course.

Home is comfort. 

Let them know what you need to enjoy this holiday season together.

May the holidays bring you smiles and wonderous surprises.

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310 Los Angeles time
Pass it on

“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” Pema Chodron

Isolating isn’t a healthy choice. Disappointing communication brings energy down. Crazy for you is when someone you love acts like they hear you, they nod, then you hear the words, “Oh I understand your disappointment, and I am so sorry.” They still show up using the same behavior. Crazy making because it happens like a hamster on a wheel…over and over.

Can you relate to the above words? I often hear that story from empty nesters whether it comes from their children, partners, family or friends.

We can support each other with the reminder that we all know and forget, YOU CAN’T CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. I too need the reminder. Post it by your computer. FOCUS ON MYSELF FOR CHANGE

You think, “If I just say what I am thinking and feeling and teach them, they will get it.” That is a false message you are giving yourself. What helps me is I know how often I have been taught about how to do an activity on my computer, but there are times it doesn’t stick for me. I forget because of old fears about techie learning. I fear I will break the machine. I need notes to follow which gives me visual cues and helps the learning stick better for me.

I see the younger generation use a pen and write a note on their hand when it comes to things they have to do or say when they are practicing changing behaviors.

The point is to find what works for you when you are changing behaviors. Knowing what doesn’t work is also learning.

New learnings and new rituals are part of change. Write what you want to learn in 2009. What new practices/rituals will you be able to try, like ending your day, as you climb under the covers, by saying what you are grateful for and beginning your day with one kindness you can extend during the day. Here is an example; catch yourself when you are negative or isolating.

- Habits take practice.
- Make a list of what you are proud of that you changed or did in 2008.
- What do you appreciate about yourself?
- What would put a smile on your face during the days of 2009?
- Where can you de-clutter your life style?
- What words do you need to catch yourself saying and therefore change, example, “I can’t catch up. Everyday, I feel behind.” Change would be, “I am making changes because I planned ahead and wrote down my schedule for the week and actually checked off what I accomplished.”
- How are you going to focus more on yourself and not your children?
- How will you build a community of like people?

I am very hopeful about 2009. Hopeful because that is who I am by nature and because I am connecting with people who are of similar hearts and minds in order that we make the change and be the role models we want to be.

One of the practices that helps me is breathing from my belly. I take seven deep breaths. I also make the time to close my eyes and be quiet. I walk in nature with no cell phone or I-Pod. I journal.

Email me natalie@emptynestsupport.com
What ways you are going to practice having a more meaningful life filled with kindness to yourself and then others.

We are building a community so no one has to go through this major life transition alone.

Now go out and have some fun…go play this month and carry your smile into 2009.

Wishing you peace within and happiness to share with others

Natalie

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