May 2009 Archives

That is what I am hearing from parents and non-parents across the country who are burnt out from the decades of a career they use to enjoy.

It reminded me of the line, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.  A lawyer told me she now wants to teach high school if she can give up the practice and go back to school. She is in her late fifties.

Artists are looking of showing their work outside of galleries by having open houses with their work visible.

Passions can't always be turned into money making careers, but it doesn't mean to kill the ideas.  Enjoy your passions and keep unfolding what will pay the bills and be satisfying.

A teacher shared that if she had the bucks she would become a lawyer for women's issues.  Now she is looking into scholarships and ways to get that degree that won't leave her in debt.

Like so many of us, we were raised with the word RETIREMENT.  We don't want to retire, we want to do what we love at this cycle of life and not be isolated nor controlled in our new adventure.

Here is a list of what people are looking at beginning by 2010.

-  They have begun interviewing people in their desired field and even written to people for a free consultation to learn more about this direction:
-  Yoga teacher for over 60 year olds.
-  Seeding and maintaining gardens for young families and nursing homes.
-  Pet walkers
-  Writing
-  Cooking school
-  Learning everything and then some about opening a coffee bar and hot dog stand
-  Building a web about what's up in their city
-  Art therapist
-  Alternative medicine careers
-  Educating college grads about how to land a job and keep it as well as learning when to let it go.
-  Knitting cafes
-  Dating services
-  Going green at schools and housing projects
-  Jewelry making classes and websites to sell jewelry

Parents mentoring parents who have been there done that by beginning in their neighborhood and local libraries

So add to this list to inspire others. As you know, no idea is too small or too silly.  When you post it here you could get comments back for how to grow your idea.  More later.

Have fun and get support,

Natalie
Los Angeles
818-763-0188

Empty Nest Support Services

Featured in NY TIMES, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, RADIO, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS, and more

Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get Support.

I have been hearing from parents that their children have made their college choices. Some wishes have come true, some are waiting for a year, gap year, until they can afford college, some will be volunteering, and others are staying local to cut costs.

For parents it brings up shifting what they thought would happen for their children and accepting that changes happened in this economy. It will not be forever that dreams won't come true.  I, too, remind myself to LOVE THE LIFE I HAVE, along with a box of Kleenex, and not miss out on what I do have right in front of me.

Do parents believe in "happily ever after"?  No.  Do they want to take their children's dreams away? Absolutely not!  They too, for example, watch American Idol where dreams come true.

Bottom line is all ages need support in transitions and in living their dreams.  They also need to learn to start again when dreams die.  LISTEN to their children rather than push and advise.   It isn't easy based on the love you have for them and your life experience. I think one of the most difficult subjects I hear parents discuss is, when to let it be, to interfere and get them on track, to let them fall and recover.  When we GET QUIET and NOT COMPARE ourselves to other families, the answers emerge, even if we don't like them.

How are you coping with changes you and your family are making about college?

Take care,
Natalie
Natalie@emptynestsupport.com
  800-446-3310
  818-763-0188 Los Angeles

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE.  GET READY. GET SUPPORT.

Do you remember the celebration of high school graduation and then college?  I will never forget those milestones with my daughter. True joy. Heavenly Days. I loved my family and dear friends being in the same room to celebrate her. I loved seeing all the other families so happy with their clicking cameras and Kleenex.

These past weeks I feel lucky to be part of parent's celebrations across the country who are sending me emails or calling about their questions and tears of joy around graduation.  Gifts, ways to appreciate the graduate, sentimental decorations, how to prepare for the guests, and how to not be a basket case during the entire event which is filled with pride and the realization that the days are numbered until a change is inevitable.

Over and over, they help me realize, we all need someone to sweetly speak with and someone who has lived the journey. Such a complex time of feelings and thoughts that we want to savor and truly be present to celebrate.

A mom called me after her son's high school graduation when the cheers, family, and friends left.  She has a summer vacation to look forward to, but it didn't matter on this phone call. She just wept with the reality of what was a fantastic ride of being an involved parent and now heading towards a more distant life with her son.  She and her husband chose to be very hands-on parents at every stage of development. One worked at home and the other didn't travel for work so they went to meetings, games, parties, doctor's appointments, brainstorming choices for their child, as well as, shared car pool, making the lunches and dinners, planning the birthdays, and being a part of his friend's lives. 

They just wondered how their life would be with all those connections coming to an end.  What we came to is, it is A WONDERMENT AND GRIEVING and for now it is a time to FEEL YOUR FEELINGS around these changes.

We get comfort from staying in our head with lots of questions as a way to not feel the feelings.  We simply haven't had the practice of being comforted nor safe to feel our feelings.  Move from the head who wants answers, to the heart who knows feelings are simply feelings.

Let yourself be in the journey of the day, not ahead of yourself nor behind with regrets that cause you to miss out on being present with your feelings.  You will have time to grieve what you didn't do , weren't able to do as parents, and mistakes that you made because you didn't know better at the time or couldn't pull up the better choice in that moment.

Entering the unknown of shifting roles is a mixed bag of wanting more free time and missing your children daily and their friends popping over. You know you will miss the built in community that the school years provided.

Like all of us, she said she felt better just talking about it and knowing someone else had found meaning and let her child be who they will be. 

Can you relate to the after graduation thoughts and feelings? Separation anxiety is real.  Dreams can come true are real.  Both get your attention. You are heading towards focusing back on yourself after decades of raising a child.

Take care,
Natalie

Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get support.

natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310  Los Angeles, CA

Hello Empty Nesters and those on the way.  

I will be joining the 5K walk with Susan Love M.D., on Sunday, May 17th in Pacific Palisades, CA. (Los Angeles area).  We are meeting at the public library at eight am.

If you want information, call 1-866-569-0388, or just meet us there Sunday morning. Get information about the ARMY OF LOVE to stomp out breast cancer.

Did you know one out of eight women will be diagnosed with some form of breast cancer?  I for sure have had friends who journeyed and survived the disease.

Hope to see you there.

Email me, natalie@emptynestsupport.com if you will be there or just show up. Susan will be speaking before the walk begins.

Take care,

Natalie

Celebrations from high school and college grads are streaming the country.  Congratulations, you did it!

Parents and grads are BEGINNERS again. The roles they have lived are changing.  GUT FEELINGS and CURIOSITY will be your sign posts, as well as, those WEIRD VOICES in your head that compares you to others, chatters so loud that you get immobile, or those misperceptions that view you as not being good enough.  Don't follow those last three sign posts.

Instead course correct, by hearing what you know is true about you. You will be learning to carry paradoxes like, hope is alive and mistakes will happen.

•  Keep looking for your passions.

•  Keep checking in with yourself about how you are doing.

•  Keep connected with those you care about.

•  Keep reality in check... excitement and fear exist and you still get to be happy.

•  Keep empty so there is space for the new.

Savor celebrations and weep the losses.
Your life matters.

Take good care,

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310 toll free
818-763-0188, local, Los Angeles, CA
www.emptynestsupport.com

Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get support.

I stopped buying bottled water. I don't use paper towels or napkins. I use cloth. I read the labels more than before for cleaning products, but mostly I ask my friends what changes they are making.

As you know, I am growing my own self-taught, organic vegetables and sharing them with friends and neighbors.  I am re-inventing every time I garden. Seeds grow, die, or never come up.  I feel badly when I over or under water and leaves turn yellow or I forget to harvest and the taste is not great.

What tips do you have for going organic?

Post your ideas here or email me    natalie@emptynestsupport.com
800-446-3310

Change is inevitable. Get ready. Get support.

Empty Nest Support Services has been featured in NYTIMES, USA TODAY, LA TIMES, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS, WASHINGTON POST, RADIO, and more ...read her articles, blogs, stories, free forum, call for speaking engagements, workshops, private telephone consultation, support groups.

As I Look Back     

Author Unknown        

As I look back on my life,
I find myself wondering.....
Did I remember to thank you
for all that you have done for me?

For all of the times you were by my side
to help me celebrate my successes
and accept my defeats?

Or for teaching me the value of hard work,
good judgement, courage, and honesty?

I wonder if I've ever thanked you for the simple things...
The laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared?

If I have forgotten to express my gratitude
For any of these things,
I am thanking you now....
and I am hoping that you've known all along,
how very much you are loved and appreciated.

Happy celebration for all you have been, are, and will be for your children no matter what.
They have taught you, just as you have taught them, that love is really strong and inspiring.

Add one of your favorite poems.  Pass this blog to a mother you love,  www.emptynestsupport.com ...just cut and paste the website and send it to them.

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
On the web www.emptynestsupport.com

Empting the nest or being an empty nester, you are a great mom who has been there for your children. Here are some ideas of how they can be there for you...go ahead and forward this list to them and your partner.

1. You drive and take her somewhere for a surprise.  I would love if someone planned a hike that I have never been on; not three hours, not straight up. Bring water, snacks

2. New music loaded on iPod or for the car.

3. Enlarge a photo of us and hang it for her.

4. New coffee either beans or ground with a large thin cupped modern mug. Draw or write a note of love and roll it in the mug.

5. When you write a note of thanks and appreciation put examples of what mom taught you or ways she pops in your head as you are going through your day.

6. Make her a vision map. Cut out pictures from old magazines. You buy them at thrift stores. The pictures reflect things you know she is wishing for, new car, new career, clothes, vacation, patio furniture, garden, dance lessons, Photoshop teacher, etc.  She will love that you get what she talks and dreams about!
You paste the pictures on poster board.

7. Fill a basket or bowl with quotations to inspire her days.

8. Schedule a makeover for her make up.

9. Set up her room with a meditation CD, candle, blanket , rub her feet or hands, ok that is a stretch for you, but just do it, and close the door so she can have a peaceful experience listening to the meditation about relaxing, better health, visualizing, etc. 

10. Get her a trainer for a week

11. Seeds for her garden and a helper for the garden tasks, maybe a landscape artist to help her with organic garden and flowers.

12. Book on tape for walking or driving to work

13. Photo collage of times with you and write a sentence below each photo. You can copy the original photos .

14. Find a meditation, yoga, hiking, crafting, book club, etc. class for her. Write the schedule and tell her to choose one.

15. Folder of dream vacations to inspire her to dream big

16. Basket of food treats

17. Coupons of what you will do for her like weed the garden, car wash, market and cook.

18. Promise to email her for one week everyday about what's up and what's going on in your life so she feels the love, short and a surprise in the email that you come up with. You can commit to one week. After all, this is about what she wants, not what you want to do or don't want to do. Gear up and do it!

19. List of what she has taught you, silly and for real that has helped.

20. How you are like her and oh how surprised you are about that news. How you want to be like her and don't if you can make the don't funny and not jabby.

21. Jewelry

22. Help with her computer and anything techy to ease her days.

Let me know how it goes for you giving to mom in new ways and in the traditions.

Do you already have an idea of what to do? SHARE it here in the comments so others can be giving.

Happy times together,
Natalie   
natalie@emptynestsupport.com 

PS - To my clan of MOTHERS, PLAN something for yourself, no matter what, all during the week and SCHEDULE it in on your calendar. Put FUN as number one even if it takes a little research of what would be fun for you these days, just do it.  WRITE yourself a love note of all the GENEROSITY and CARING you have given over the years to your children. It is good to acknowledge your value! Read it out loud to yourself and keep that aloe Kleenex near by.

You, mothers, forget the sweetness of your heart and the openness of your hand towards your children, no matter how young or old they are.  I want you to remember, always.

Much appreciation of you,
Natalie