December 2009 Archives

What is one thing or more that made you happy in 2009?  Write about that time and let yourself feel the happiness again. 

I remind myself in a dull day to reflect on SHIFTING MY ATTITUDE...to see what is lovely about my life and at the same time, I keep that aloe soft Kleenex in hand for the sadness and disappointments. 

You may have days that are solo vs. calling them days of being alone.  As you know, our society doesn't value solitude and what it has to teach us.  Winter is an incubation and reflection time. What comforts you?  Write it so you have that reminder on a hopeless day.

There is no right way to begin a NEW YEAR.  There is a lot of talk about goals. Know who you are and who you aren't and from there, reach for a shift that you want to grow within.

Breathe.  I too forget to check in with my body and feel if I am holding my breath.   I am reminding myself to take three deep breathes during my day and evening in the hopes I build a new habit.

My compassion and curiosity remain strong for 2010.  I wish that for you and your loved ones as well as the practice of LOVING THE LIFE you have right now.  Write what you do love about yourself and your life.

Happy, peaceful, healthy New Year to you, my ongoing community of brave hearts, who persevere, held by the beauty of LIFE, our greatest teacher....LIFE!

Take good care and let's celebrate together in 2010 and hold each other's hands when the tears fall.

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Featured in Time Magazine, Chicago Tribune, Associated Press, and Lifetime Radio for Women and more.... www.emptynestsupport.com 

I imagine when you look back at that hug goodbye and then sitting in your silent house, it still brings a little tear.  It was so painful that sometimes you just couldn't find words. Your role as a parent instantly changed. Your routine and connection emptied.

So what have you learned about yourself? As the year comes to end I hope you make time, after the celebrations and gift opening to acknowledge the strength in grieving and trying something new that fell upon you in your emptiness.  You couldn't will it away or talk it away.

One mother shared with me that she simply let herself be whatever she was because she always had courage and trusted something would shift. At the same time, she had no idea it would last for months; fatigue, inertia, confusion, loneliness, and no solutions.  She didn't feel like she had a place for all the emotions and "oldness" she felt. She thought she was having crazy thoughts like, "did I waste all those years giving to the family and for what, should I have planned for this emptiness, should I just take off for an adventure out of the country money or not, will anyone really take care of me and check on me, will I be one of those who never finds meaning and simply fades away into tasks and work?"  She just didn't want to miss out on life now that she was supposedly free of parenting full time.

Today she reflects on her new career and new friends she made who also travel the empty nest.  She took classes online and lived more in the moment than the past or fear of the lonely future.  She asked for help. There were days she felt non-motivated and lonely but she let it be and even let herself feel sorry for her empty life and the times she felt she missed out.

I think we forget to focus on the good we are and to share that with our friends.  We share our challenges and we play which is fabulous. We can also acknowledge what we are proud of and tell our stories of how we had a great day simply feeling happy.

So, what are you loving about yourself?

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188

www.emptynestsupport.com 

-   Holiday gatherings get smaller.
-   Children come home and leave or never leave.
-   Lovers divorce.
-   Friends are unavailable.
-   Careers end.
-   Parents die.
-   Dreams don't happen.

You have already lived changes.  What if you had a chat with yourself
that went something like this? You know another change is coming. What
do you need to do to prepare for change?
 
My answer for now is kindness and looking at behavior.
 
People talk too much about what they want to do, will do and yet their
behavior is predictable. The same actions as last month and the month
before. Maybe you have had trouble grieving the reality that the talk
isn't equal to the behavior. Do you know what I mean?
 
When you are kind to yourself, what are you doing, thinking about, and
saying to yourself. I can handle this. It will end.  I know how to
self-care daily. I am human and make mistakes. I took another risk and
it didn't give me what I hoped it would. I can pause and my world will
still love me.
 
When you are looking at your behavior and others behavior in your life,
what pops up?

• There she goes doing that go go go thing until she drops
  and has to end the day with nothing left but a memory of a work day and
  sore feet. 
• Does she have to keep having those kinds of days?
• Do I really need to chat about what's on my mind right now or can I be with
  it to see what else washes up from the crashing waves? 
• Are my expectations of myself and them realistic or heading for a fall?
• Do I need my blinders on because the pain of the truth is more than I can
  explore today?
• Do I have support/resources or haven't I made time for that? 
• Am I embarrassed to admit my thoughts because I will be judged/left?
• Is my voice too void with others?
• Do I listen when they give me their thoughts?
• Do I have to agree with them in order to end the discomfort of the conversation?
   
  Change will happen. Knowing who we are, aren't and practice being a
  new,  feeds our self love and allows others to enjoy being with us,
  rather than fixing or walking on egg shells.
   

Acceptance doesn't mean forever. It means for now.  Love isn't forever.
Love lifts us and keeps a fire lit for tomorrow.
 
May you know who you are and love yourself no matter what,then you can
hold another.
 
I appreciate your being part of our community that stays curious and
compassionate as we all are building our unique new roadmap beyond
parenthood.
 
Natalie 
natalie@emptynestsupport.com 
818-763-0188 
www.emptynestsupport.com

My reminder to you and myself...
   
Make the time to refresh so you can endure whatever comes your way.  What does refresh mean to you?

I have been drinking more hot chocolate with pumpkin spices and simply sitting, not reading, not thinking.  I still practice taking deep breaths and closing my eyes. I bundle up and get outside noticing all the colors and how big the brown and yellowish fig leaves are that drop, leaving the tree empty.  I like that look.
 
My daily practice, for years, is to ask, how am I feeling and what do I need right now.  It works for me. It has become automatic like brushing my teeth.  I like feeling connected with myself and getting into the moment. If I don't ask me, who will?  If I don't get here now verses reviewing how Thanksgiving went or what I want to do to decorate for the holidays, I am not refreshing myself. What practices do you do?

Beauty makes me feel vibrant and grateful.  I move things around in each room and take away more than leave out, as I go room to room. I like open spaces. I am growing paper whites and amaryllis, stunning and unpredictable as far as when they will bloom and how long their beauty will fill the room. I like to photograph the stages.  I do it every year.

I play more music and less television.  I love bowls, baskets, and blankets and candles. I fill empty vases with greenery from the yard. I leave books on the tables, some poetry or photography or a child's story like Olivia.

-  I have water in a bowl with a floating flower.
-  If my office gets over loaded with notes, research books, and papers,  at the end of the day, -  I put them in a basket so my space looks organized and I don't feel overwhelmed with the to do's of work life. Fresh branches from our eucalyptus tree or cut rosemary from the back yard bush fills a vase in my office and always a candle for focus, calmness, or prayer.
-  I love paper and pens. I switch photos for inspiration and memories.
-  Yes, I talk to myself...good job, Natalie. I know you didn't want to do that but sometimes you have to do things you don't like.

Refresh before the next holiday by getting to know more about yourself and treating yourself very well. I thought I was good at refreshing until the other day when I was so exhausted and feeling lonely. I realized I needed to stop and have no responding time and emptiness to my day and evening.

What will you do to refresh before the next holiday?

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles 818-763-0188