January 2010 Archives

Don't' you wish you had this kitchen?  I do.  Cooking for me is creative and relaxing after work, although I admit there are times I'm over that and want to be served.

I have been fortunate to meet some inspiring, friendly chefs which feeds my fantasy of being a top notch chef whose restaurant has a waiting list for happy foodies.  Remember I said that was a fantasy.  I know how difficult and time inclusive restaurant owning and being a chef can be.

Have you had fantasies of a different career rather than the one you have lived?  I even thought I would love working for Travel and Leisure Magazine and report from exotic locations, taking exquisite photos.

 Then I woke up and remembered I hate mosquitoes and chapped lips.

I never wanted to be a ski instructor.  I am not physically that confident. I went water skiing at Lake Tahoe about four years ago but that was because I was inspired to be the "fun aunt/mom" while I watched my three nephews and daughter spontaneously laugh while whirling over the waves and saying can I do it again?  I skied once praying I could get up and stay up.  I did but truly I wanted hot chocolate and pajamas. I didn't ask if I could do it again!

I dreamed of being an architect but of course I didn't want to pay that much attention to details and numbers.  I did want to see something I created standing tall.  I settled for my tall daughter.

Cooking and chefs are still a passion.  Soon I will be sharing pictures of a mentoring idea that came to me while walking my neighborhood.

What careers or hobbies have you dreamed of even though you knew you wouldn't do them, or did you?

Have some fun,
Natalie
818-763-0188 Los Angeles
Featured in Time Magazine, Lifetime Radio for Women, USA Today, N. Y. Times, and more.

When I ask my clients that question there is a big pause. Even though they have more free time they are mixed about what is fun for them. Fun is a trial and error process and a call to put something on your calendar that starts your engines.

Below are some things that bring a smile:

•  Photography
•  Lunch with a friend
•  Day trips even without a partner
•  Knitting
•  Cooking classes paired with wine
•  Gardening
•  Hiking
•  Sports events
•  Flea Markets
•  Visiting nephews and nieces
•  Dating without being freaked
•  Mentoring
•  Volunteering at schools and libraries
•  Writing/Journaling with doodles
•  The gym to meet people and feel good about yourself
•  Playing music at home and dancing
•  Farmer's Markets
•  Learning Spanish and French
•  Planning a trip
•  Jazz
•  Museums
•  Art openings
•  Movies
•  Kite flying
•  Making surprise meals for others
•  Painting
•  Singing lessons
•  Trading services
•  Spas
•  Growing seeds for the garden
•  Making their own cards
•  Watching dvd's and ordering in
•  Exchanging recipes
•  Computer research
•  Groups online
•  Book and support groups
•  Tango
•  Biking
•  Learning to go green
•  Collages from used cards, magazines, wall paper
•  Making jewelry
•  Decorating and rearranging their rooms at home

OK, your turn to add to this list.

Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Featured in Time Magazine, Lifetime Radio for Women, USA TODAY, Better Homes and Gardens, and more

Edith Baumann enjoys more freedom for her passion to paint since her son graduated college and later, married.  Edith Baumann-Collective Pattern exhibition will be January 30-March 6, 2010 at Santa Monica College Pete and Susan Barrett Art Gallery.    Edith says she learns more about her work when her collection is hung in a neutral space and she can stand back and view what she may not have seen up close in her art studio.   That reminded me how, as parents, we see our children differently when they stand away from us and we get to see them in their own style.

 Frances Colpitt writes "A uniquely sensitive hard- edge painter, Edith Baumann infuses the flat and sharply defined 'colorforms' of LA's homegrown style of geometric abstraction with grace and vitality. In her paintings, color is radiant, monochromatic fields breathe, and crisp edges quiver almost imperceptibly, enlivened with the touch of her hand. Baumann is an artist of substance and every aspect of her paintings deserves and rewards careful looking."

I hope you get a chance to view her work in person or click on her website below.  I am looking forward to attending her art opening in Santa Monica, Ca. and seeing her adult son stand in appreciation of his mom.

http://edithbaumannstudio.com/

May you have the time for your creative passions,

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
 

A mother called today wishing her son lived nearby so they could celebrate her milestone report of a clean bill of health.

The news brought up the good celebrations they shared as well as ones missed. She wept.

Tears are a good thing.  We just don't like those feelings for fear they will never end or they will exhaust us.  Loneliness sits right next to the tears.

If earlier in life we had been taught crying and loneliness are normal and actually are tender moments, we might not fear or judge the weeping.

I try to remind myself these are simply feelings. Feelings show I am vulnerable which means I care. I'm alive.  I don't like my weeping either. I have learned how to comfort myself whether I am driving in the car or in bed, "You are having feelings, not monsters, feelings.  You will be ok and this won't last forever. You have felt sorrow before and survived."  Well, you get the idea.  Self talk works for me, sometimes.  Have you tried that?

Over and over we hear that it is time to change, learn how to be happy, get happy, choose happy which negates that sadness has deep value.  When is the last time you heard someone being interviewed on TV   or at lunch, talk about how they wept last night and never thought the tears would end?

Well, as a researcher of happiness said to me, "Mostly people need permission to feel whatever they are feeling. Then comes peace and happiness."

May we give each other permission for all feelings and to reach for someone to hold us, even someone who might simply be online or lives in another city.

Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles

YOU HAVE YOURSELF!

I think it was Pablo Picasso who stated, "All you really have is yourself."

When we are younger, our circle of friends and gatherings are larger. That does not mean we don't long for those friendships and events.

Parts of us want that life style and other parts don't. We carry both all our life. So don't kill off the inner parts that have a voice.  They trigger what matters to us in the MOMENT.

When a client of mine went to a party it reminded her that parties were the norm when she was first married with little ones. She misses that now that her children are gone from home. She decided to have a pot luck party in February and notice how she feels.

Gatherings, travel, movies, lunch with a friend, classes, can stimulate parts of you that feel flat. I remember years ago, a teacher saying to me, it doesn't really matter what you choose to do this weekend, just go do something and see what happens.

Choose an activity that ATTENDS TO YOU, not your worries and shoulds: a walk in an area you haven't explored, a book signing, hiking, a massage, a golf lesson, a meditation class, a cooking class, an art opening or art class.

Try what might be fun and leave if it isn't or don't go back.
Nothing is forever except you being with you. You matter. Get to know who you are and aren't and then reach towards fun.

I took some friends to a playground where children were climbing, running, chasing and snacking.  We sat with coffee and talked about what came up for us.  We honestly were glad those care-taking days were over. There were flutters of great memories and the idea that it could be fun for a couple of hours. (DREAMS OF BEING GRANDPARENTS) More than those thoughts, we watched to see how happy and playful those children were and to use that image to feed our PLAYTIME IN ADULT LIFE.  We had come to a place of loving our NEW FREEDOM and it was not like that when our children first left home. We cried when we passed a playground or school of parents and children. Rarely do those tears drop now.

Pick something fun and write it on your calendar this week.

Take care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188 Los Angeles

Parents have a theme this week when we have our sessions:  How do I let my children go?

Isn't that a lifelong question?  Keep yourself light which means unplug the clutter in your head.  We chatter so much inside our precious mind that there is no room for newness or peace.

 You began letting them go when you dropped them off at Kindergarten. It wasn't easy in the beginning and then you found a new rhythm and trust.

 Focus on you.   Are you having fun?  You know all the other subjects about you, like eating well, etc and we forget to plan for fun.  Pick anything and see if you like it.  One mom, who is single, takes tango lessons to feel vibrant and laugh.

Letting go brings tears and fears at times and those times might be surprising.  You think you have your new rhythm and then tears.  Tears and fears are feelings.  What is wrong with feelings?  You don't have to change being vulnerable.  Vulnerable is precious and part of being alive.  If you feel you are overwhelmed with the tears and fears then for sure you deserve help.  You chat with a physician and gather information. Empty nest is a major life transition and challenging.  You can't imagine the shift until you are sitting in the silent, empty house.  You hurt. That is normal so don't go through the journey alone.

Add beauty to your home. What would that be for you?

What do you seem to do each week that lifts you, which might give you clue of what you like?

There will be lonely, boring days and no communication with your children. Life includes those days.  Good news is, it is a day in the life that still is your life.  You don't have to figure it out, make it better, change, shift, etc.  Sometimes life is lonely and boring. We live with paradoxes and that isn't easy.

Let your children lead.  If you remind yourself you are "unemployed" from the role you had as a parent, that reminder helps with a reality check.  They need to grow up.  You did a good job so they could be out there in the world without you.

You just need a buddy who understands.  Change is never a walk in the park.  Ask for help.  You would help someone if they called you.

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188

A sign. A message. A signal. An unexpected experience.

Like other free Sundays, I often drive the Malibu Canyon to be in nature. I walk the beach, This morning I was driving alone around nine am. It was warm and clear with the bonus of soft lighting on the mountains and leaves.

Suddenly a deer leaped in front of my car. The deer was so light, beautiful and fast. I was stunned.  I looked out my rear window and pointed to the car behind me, as if to say, "Did you see that?"

I had plenty of room to put on my brakes. I never felt my life was in danger or that I was close enough that I could have hit and killed the deer.
 
I was fine. Until a few minutes later as I was still driving my silver car down the canyon and I burst out crying. I thought, "This deer was simply in her neighborhood, crossing the road and in an instant her life could have changed." I kept thinking about how silent, large and graceful she was.

I thought about my friend who died a week ago. I thought about another friend who did have a heart attack on the canyon road, went off the cliff and died.

One vulnerability, like feeling you could have hit a deer, can trigger other memories of vulnerability/loss.

My thoughts weren't filled with the possibility that I could have died or the deer, but more with the WONDERMENT OF SEEING A DEER on a road I drive monthly.  THE UNEXPECTED.

In the evening, I looked up the symbology of deer. I decided it was a message for me..... a theme for 2010.

Last year in December, I was walking alone in Northern California in an area I never explored. Suddenly, a herd of WHITE DEER leaped across the meadow.  I felt ecstatic. Tears feel.  

DEER. I think they are my "Medicine Totem."

I read where is said something like Deer Totem people are swift and alert. They love all and carry heart space. They know the beauty of balance. Deer people are intuitive and have extra sensory perception. They know they can't change anyone. They accept who a person is. They live unconditional love and compassion.

I do relate to the deer totem animal. Now I will pay even more attention to those traits and acknowledge what I have learned to become. When I leave my deer behind, I will hopefully see her leaping and anchor myself into her.

I believe I did receive a "sign"  "gift" for the New Year.  WONDERMENT and EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Where did I feel wonderment last year and how do I want to add more of that experience this year?

Do you believe in "signs?" If you were an animal, which would you choose to be?  Two decades ago I chose a giraffe.

I hope to read your comments here. I pass WONDERMENT TO YOU in the NEW BEGINNING of 2010.

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, ASSOCIATED PRESS, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS, and more www.emptynestsupport.com