I don't know about men/ single dads, wondering why women don't look at them anymore, but moms/ single women of a certain age and married women, talk about how no one notices them anymore. They try and have a sense of humor that their kids get more "looks" eyes meeting eyes, than they do.
This chick in the photo wonders too, "ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?"
I was looking at photos with a longtime friend and I said, "I think that photo makes me look OLDER than I feel." Her response was, "You ARE older."
"Ouch" Of course I know I am older but I don't think I was expecting to see it in a current photo. Fantasy was working for me. I feel young so that should reflect in photos. Yes, being naïve can be a positive choice.
Change again. No matter what age you are or how you look, you don't want to feel invisible. Eyes looking into eyes combined with a smile, lifts your energy. Friendliness. One woman told me she doesn't even notice a guy going by anymore since she has given up on the connection look. She doesn't ever catch an eye looking at her, so she doesn't notice them. Does she want to shift that? NOT FOR NOW, was her response.
In a group, we talked about our IMAGES OF AGING. We shared what kind of role model our parents were for us in regard to optimism and taking good care of their appearance and health no matter how old they were. Most said they don't have good role models of aging so they fear it. Their parents either went overboard or just stopped caring after a certain age. They were boring, overweight, and non-passionate.
It isn't the physical aging shift, it is the lack of vitality and mobility that was a scary thought. Well, and of course, learning to love aging skin and thinning hair and sore knees that don't always allow you to get up and down or stand on concrete floors for long. We laughed with the repetitive phrase someone would blurt out, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US?" Do you think that really would have helped?
I remember a woman older than I said that she never shows her knees or arms anymore. No sleeveless. No shorts. I had no idea what she was talking about. She simply said that no one would look at her and more important than them, she didn't like looking at her knees and jiggle arms. She didn't want to be reminded that she was getting older. Now, I understand what she meant. She takes good care of herself and does see the beauty she is at this cycle of her life. She walks, does weekly yoga, dresses well and keeps her hair uncolored and to her shoulders. She likes how she looks in clothes.
She loves her active and creative life and freedom from rigid schedules.
I think there are days we feel attractive, vibrant, and needed and days we don't. The problem seems to be when we expect to be who we aren't and we give up on feeling inside and outer beauty about ourselves. You don't have to pull it together everyday unless you want to. Freedom from the shoulds.
Cathy said it is ok to tell you that she actually puts on a coat with her jammies underneath and drives to the store to get a few things. Would your mother have done that or your father? Not mine!
Here's looking at you!
Share a time you were surprised at not being seen. Have you been questioning what aging is all about? Does a part of you feel envious of your youthful children?
Take good care,
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