June 2010 Archives

Changes are around the corner, again this summer.  Vacation time, goodbyes, celebrations, and moving into new roles with your family.  What do you want to remember about the role you have played that grew you and grew your family?

We forget to stop and reflect about the value we have added to people in our lives.  Is it your smile?  Is it your ability to sincerely listen?  Are you a great problem solver, organizer, teacher of life, example of getting back up when you fall, asking for help, saying what you are feeling, seeking help for yourself, creative, or adding beauty and health to your home?  You might be a combination.

As you are heading into a TRANSITION and tears fall, let them drop.  Feel what you need to feel. Make plans for nurturing yourself by asking, "What is fun for me that I use to do?  What helps me shift when I am down? What is frightening right now? Who can support me?"

A big change you are traveling is learning how to FOCUS BACK ON YOURSELF.
You have been there for others for decades and it structured your time and mind, as well as your heart.  Your turn now, to slowly reflect, appreciate you, and begin to wonder what will be next for you. 

A mother shared that she doesn't want to think about the end of summer because of her children leaving, again. She dreads   feeling all those feelings of emptiness and uncertainty. She doesn't like the silence and the not knowing how her children are doing.  Sometimes our ANXIETY is bigger than what we know we CAN HANDLE.  It doesn't mean we like the situation, but REFLECTING on times we have made it through a challenge, builds that muscle, again. Get support.

Take care,
Natalie

You already know that planning for a fun time, makes it happen.  These photos are from a night out to see the play, IN THE HEIGHTS in Hollywood. We even bought candy which we never do and dressed up, a little.  We had a great time. Fantastic music and dancing....we were lifted!

You might have a long list of why not to plan:
• You will spend the money and not be able to go.
• You will be too tired.
• You aren't into it anymore.

You get to change your mind.  Sell the tickets or give them as a gift.  If you go and don't feel like seeing all of the play, you get to leave.  No guilt.

Most parents I speak with want something special to look forward to, especially in the summer .    Reach for something you dreamed of doing. You can handle the disappointment if it doesn't work out.  You have handled worse situations.  We simply forget we will be ok.  We let a louder voice in us make all the decisions.  Turn that loud part of you down and ask if anyone else inside of you has an opinion.

Making choices isn't punishment.  You can course correct them and not feel over committed or trapped.  Yes, it will be more time consuming and thinking outside the box.  Would you rather have nothing on your calendar that is pure fun?

Plan something or ask someone else to do the planning this time. Fun lifts your spirits and turns up creativity. Get to know yourself in a new way. The activity will move you along and all you have to do is show up.

Have a chat with yourself about:
• Things you use to like to do that made you smile
• Things that are fun for you but you don't get around to planning
• People you want to see but don't call
• What type of get aways are fun for you?
• What do you like to do when you have free time, besides for watch tv in bed or run those errands?
• What stops you from making the plan?
• If you hate the driving, what public transportation is available?
• If you hate the crowds, how could you go at a more quiet time?
• What would you have to reduce during the week so you would have the energy to get out on the weekend for new fun?
• What grieving do you need to cry about, again?
• What stops you from making a fun plan?

I want to go to a Kareoke Bar but fear stops me to sing in front of people.  My friend said she wants to go but fears being the old lady in the crowd and therefore, embarrassed.   I wonder if I will this summer.  What do you think you will plan this summer despite a little or big fear?  A mom confessed she doesn't make plans in case her kids are available for a movie or dinner before they leave at the end of summer.  Some parents have shared they don't have the energy right now; they don't have a friend to call or the finances.  What would you suggest to them?

Make a plan this week and mark it on your calendar...just a little something fun to do.
Happy summer,
Natalie

As you know, one of my passions is my organic vegetable and flower garden.

Here is a surprise:  I planted my sunflower seeds all at the same time.  I have never grown them. Surprise is, the smallest, shortest plant opened her SUNNY FACE FIRST.  I planted all my tomato plants from seed at the same time.  The most hidden, bottom of the vine tomato is turning red first. I could barely see the tomato.

Expect the unexpected is what I learned from these plants.  Caring for the plants, losing some, feeding others, and watching them grow is like birth and having little ones, which you can relate to if you are a gardener.  I hate when the moths and caterpillars get the food before I do.  My friend said it is like the news where someone else landed the account or got to go on a great vacation or date and you didn't, or the parent whose child is sweet as can be and yours is acting out.

What can you do?  Vent, weep, remember the good times you have had and the good you are, and keep going.  It sounds so easy and for sure isn't.

Sometimes you need to nourish yourself and take a break. No emails, telephone, laundry, or cooking.  Just do it. Step out of your routine.

I hope you have good support that hears you and adds that they believe in you and want to know how they can help you through a bad day or challenging cycle.  Disappointment after disappointment naturally shuts you down.  There aren't always answers of why things are going the way they are. You know yourself. You know when you are doing what you can and when you are resisting what might be a better choice.  You get to still be loving to yourself no matter what life challenges, mistakes, or unknowns you are living.  You know and you forget that criticizing yourself and self punishing doesn't grow a healthy life.

Practice shifting your perception, weep, and complain, shut down, and step again.  There will always be people you know who have more than you and those who have less.  Our mind likes to compare and spin us into a wind storm.  Step out of it and do something that makes you happy.  A little happiness feeds your spirit and dusts the cob webs. You need to sleep, eat well, talk with someone, do something creative and ask for help.

Have a fun weekend and appreciate your life, Natalie

PS - A mother shared with me she just needed to stay in bed for a couple of days and flip the channels as she grieved.  She was tired of talking about her woes, so for her, she curled in and didn't even shower.  She is lifted again in a small enough way that she trusts she can grieve and survive the pain. Do you remember suffering times that you thought would never end?

If I move from within , I am fine. If my mind rattles, I tumble.

Do you Empty Nesters and Boomers have that experience when you have to pull yourself up and begin again? What chatters in your head more than you like?

My secret to a quiet head is doing something simple that I love.  I only have to step out the door while still in my night shirt, sipping black coffee.  I look at the changes in my flower and vegetable garden.  I shoot photos close and far, back, and front. I feel lifted and emptied of the rattle after that time in the garden with my camera.

 I want a new digital camera so I need to have a big garage sale with neighbors.   I need to have one just because it is summer on the lawn and I love open space in my garage and cupboards. Definitely not motivated right now to make that happen.

I keep a photo of ballet dancers on my wall in front of my work space. I have never been a ballerina, except when I was six.   I look up and see that inner movement and grace.  Visuals of beauty relax me.  What relaxes you?

I remind myself of the bigger picture and not the fly buzzing in my room that won't leave me alone.

I don't jump ahead with the what if's and the dreads of later that will come.  I know that is a common suggestion. It works.  You need to practice doing that, and you know it reduces tears and stress.  PRESENT MOMENT. Look around right now and let your eye catch something.  Mine just caught the black rim of my computer.  I never saw that it was bottomed in silver.  I stare, shoulders down, feet on the floor, lips closed, air through my nose.  I am here.    It isn't exciting or life changing. It is a shift and sometimes we simply need to SHIFT just for a break from the fullness that is cramping.

Walking my neighborhood happens if I let go of work and remind myself that 20 minutes refreshes.  I don't schedule when to walk.  I just know if I don't walk in the early morning mixed with photo joy , then I need to walk in the evening.  I am better if I walk early because my mind rattles and I tumble sometimes in the evening.

How do you begin when you don't want to?

 How do you follow through with your new role as a parent and not fall to the back?  My two lines that reduce the disappointments are: The adult children lead now. Let my expectations go . Get nurtured by doing something fun.  I often hear when I teach that it is challenging to figure out what would be fun.  Pick something and try it. You can leave. It is a new practice to focus on yourself when you have been there for others or distracted with work.  Simply begin something.

Hope to hear how you are doing.

Take good care,
Natalie
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA

When you are reaching out for someone to connect with you or crying for the missing of your children who are never home or moved away, do you think howling helps?  Have you tried it?
Summer Solstice might open that voice in you.  Warm nights and time outside.

Most parents feel so guilty crying or complaining.  They attach shame to it or compare themselves with others whose lives are worse.  Your life is yours and it matters. Feelings are feelings and not the all of you.  You have an orchestra inside and different keys get hit without planning.  Let it be what it is for now.  Plan something just for you and ask someone to help you.

Who wouldn't be howling when you are under a moon you don't recognize.  You have never been here before in this life transition, so go ahead and let yourself cry.  Your life does get better in time. Each family is different in how they grieve based on their life experiences and relationship with their children.

Empty Nest is a milestone of what you loved for decades and now are forced to shift out of and learn a new role with your children. Parents have called me the day after the wedding, thinking they were fine and now feel finality.  They call after they drop off the rental car from their child's college town, shocked, after all the buildup, details, decisions, that now, they are flying home knowing their child's room is too clean and empty. 

Telling our stories is healing.  Listening to each other is connecting.  I hope you enjoy the warmth of summer and the pride in being a parent day in and day out and trust you will find new meaning.

Take care,
Natalie

Would you want to move in with your children and grandchildren?  Would you want to live in the same town?

What we think might be different than when the reality of making that decision sits on our kitchen table.

No harm in looking in the cupboard for tasty and rotten nibbles.

You know with the long economic changes, all questions are on the board.  Personally, that isn't a question I am walking these months. 

Do you like visiting your children or do you prefer them coming to you?  Would you move in with them? Parents share with me the following nibbles:

1. I would live with my children if they would have me and I want the bottom floor.  My knees ache.
2. I like to visit my kids and stay in a hotel.  I need quiet and escape.
3. I like making new traditions so I stay in the same hotel when I go visit my kids.  They come there for a sleep over.
4. I would live with my children if I couldn't be on my own and I for sure would have to shut my ears and mouth.
5. I love the big family idea but I bet it gets like stinky fish after two weeks.
6. I will take the quest house and curtains.  They will make breakfast and coffee and leave it at my door.
7. Parenting is my most favorite sport.  So yes, bring on the games and I will buy the tickets.  Yes- yes- yes, I would move in now.
8. I started a hope chest for my grandchildren... Once a mom always mommy. When they have little ones, I will be the nanny.
9. Can I date if I move in with them?
10. Come home and fill the house with your needs and creativity.  I don't like airports.

What are you reactions to the idea of moving in with your children?  Do you like them to come home or go visit them?

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles, CA
818-763-0188

These two sons forgot to call their dad on Father's Day.  Can you feel their stress in this photo? Parents ask me, "At what age will my children remember to call without my reminding them to call?"  I bet you guess the answer...there is no documented age for children who remember to call home.

For parents whose parents have died, tears will fall on Father's Day.  Tears are a good thing.  Tears show you know how to feel love.

One couple shared with me that they felt guilty that they were actually relieved that they didn't have to drive an hour and celebrate Father's Day at their dad's house because they simply wanted to BBQ at home with their children and celebrate being a dad, not a son.  You get to think and feel whatever you want to feel.  Feelings are simply feelings, not a sentence to prison.  There are so many voices inside us that you can remind yourself, "this voice needed some air time right now and I know there are other parts to me who feel compassion and generosity."

Doing something together any time of the year to celebrate dad is a good thing.  What do you do to celebrate dad?  What do you do if you are alone on Father's Day?  Share your stories because remembering is healing and sharing is helping others.

Enjoy your weekend of memories and activities,

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA

Marriage, parents want that for their children.  They want to like the new family, the partner, the town, the freedom.  Now that is the head chatting about the upcoming wedding day , but the EMPTY NESTERS also want to sob, and quickly get over the change that leaves their home silent and old.

They have seen all the movies about weddings and starting over.  They heard the stories and even toasted some of those parents at their children's weddings.  But for Kathy, she wanted her little girl's room to be full of noise and messes and finally the cuddle under the blankets and the song she sings: nite-nite now nite-nite now even the cow goes nite-nite now.

I told her, "tell me your stories of what you love about Kathy . Big Kathy and Little Kathy.  Here is my best Kleenex and a soft pillow for your tummy."

Kathy is a great story teller.  She was surprised what came to mind.  The cupcakes that fell over on the way to school for her 7th BD party.  The yellow dress with a white belt she wore coming down the steps to go to the school dance.  The hair wrapped in a towel as she did her spelling homework.

The combination of milk duds and popcorn her little girl had to have at the movies.  Sleep away camp where she got on the bus with the kids and came back two weeks later telling her to switch to CHEER to get her clothes whiter.

Stories connect you to your feelings and the appreciation of life.

Share your stories.  Get someone to listen and go for the memories no matter how old you are or how long they have been away from their bedroom.

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles, CA
818-763-0188

"I am heading to college in August, miles away from Dad.  I know he wants this "last" Father's Day to be over the top. He wrote it on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, and my sock drawer in peanut butter.  DO SOMETHING FOR ME.  What am I suppose to do, turn back the clock?"

As you can sense, this son is wise, cares, and just doesn't know how to celebrate his dad.  Son still is the child although older than before but his head is not thinking about sweet dad, it is thinking about saying goodbye to his high school girlfriend and best friends, and wondering if he made the right college choice.  He told me he feels so grateful for his dad who has raised him alone but just doesn't want to make a big deal about anything right now.  BBQ and a card would due for him, especially if he could invite his girlfriend and buddies over after they spend time with their dad.  What to do? 

Here's the idea he chose after exploring feelings and options:  He surprised himself.

He went to a place they use to throw ball (the photo in the blog) and sat on the cool grass writing a letter to the man who has had his back and bottom for his entire life.  Writing isn't his strength but he let go of the perfectionist.  He simply kept the words falling on the paper.  He didn't edit. He didn't care about the grammar because that would have tripped up his heart. "DAD, I am an almost man.  Same three letter word...man....Dad.

I am not the same as you and you never asked me to be.  I am the one who you decided to carry, step back from, run to, and answer the phone when the moon was almost a sun.  I don't forget that ever.  I won't forget YOU ever.  You carry me.  I carry you in my head to be a good person not a hurter.  You and I know I have hurt you and my friends.  I know I am still carried by you.

Just stick around, Dad, so I can carry you with your shoulders finally down and my raised higher.  Stick around Dad because now the big band will play for you.  When you are empty at home know you have filled me. I will spill and make a mess but I know where the mop and bucket sit.  Stick around Dad.

I never want you to fall away from my path.  Catch this... I LOVE YOU, DAD and I WILL BE BACK."

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's who have carried their children.

Celebrate them,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
Los Angeles, CA
818-763-0188

Father's Day for empty nester Mike is a tradition of calling his daughter and saying, "ARE YOU STILL MY LITTLE GIRL BECAUSE I AM STILL YOUR PROUD DAD?"  He knows she will call from her kitchen and he still likes dialing her number from his.

What child wouldn't want to get that phone call?  What Dad doesn't feel that way about his children?

Father's Day is around the corner. My dad died years ago. I get tearful when I miss him. Missing is unpredictable so I simply let myself tear up, smile, and try to remember his voice saying my name.  I never forget the feeling of dad.

A father shared with me this week that he too gets tearful remembering his dad and would just love to tell him how much he learned from he, like LET IT BE and KEEP TRYING, but mostly he wants his dad to know he is a happy dad now with two kids in college and one married.

You know what always brings a smile to me?  When I am out and about and see dad's with their children. I have seen that increase in the past three years as have the calls coming into my office from empty nester dads or those on the way to the big hug goodbye.

When I see the dad's out and about with their children I make up stories like, he is giving his wife/partner a break or he just really wanted this time alone with them, or he is divorced or simply never had a partner.

Bottom line is, it gives me a big smile.  My daughter who lives in another city also comments about seeing more dad's out and about with their children and it too makes her happy.  Shift in roles is a good sign. 

What would you shout out to your dad?  What would you want him to say to you?

My dad knew how much I loved him and I knew how much he loved me.  We said it. We hugged it. We smiled it.  We hung out together even though I never got the glory of golf.

His granddaughter, my child, also felt loved and loved him back. They didn't have to say why they loved each other, they just did. They just felt it.
Forever comforting to have shared that kind of love.....

Find your memories and kiss them.

Take care,
Natalie
Los Angeles, CA
818-763-0188
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
www.emptynestsupport.com

People stop and stare at this painted building in San Francisco.  An empty nester mom said to me, "I was never allowed to paint on a building and I am an artist."  What do you wish you were allowed to do without an authority saying, "NO, you can't do that."  Who do you project "authority" to rather than checking in with yourself about your values and needs?

A couple shared with me that their son just graduated and is heading to college. They let themselves celebrate this milestone with tears and champagne, surrounded by friends, family, and an abundance of his favorite pizzas and chocolate cakes and cupcakes.

I want to suggest that over the summer you make the time to reflect on what good you have done in raising your children.  Do it more than once.  I wrote myself a letter on what I loved about the way I parented. It was only for me to read.  It ignited me into memories like the time the two of us camped near a beach thinking we would cook outside , pitch a tent, count stars and give them names, when in reality there were too many bees, we camped too far from the beach and couldn't walk there, and our tent was pitched under rocks.

I reflected on the evening she went to a party, age 13, dressed up and scared to walk into a famous hotel by herself. I didn't walk her in even though I wanted to help her out.  Helping her was letting her legs shake and make it into the lobby by herself where friends were chatting with presents in hand.

I also remember the time I should have said no and didn't.  She forgot her books in her locker and I had to drive her back to school to get them.  Do you think this is the first time I did that drive after work?  Oh no, even though I said I wouldn't do it again, I did.

The list is long of memories and I am happy to revisit them no matter how old I am or she is, so let yourself enjoy what you have done as parents and what you might do this summer.  Mostly, I hope you enjoy the times together and stop yourself when your head runs like a train with worry or disappointment.  You have been disappointed before and you are still standing.  You can begin to make a dream list for what you will do with free time even if it doesn't happen.  Dreaming is vibrant and playful. Dreaming leads to new creativity and builds hope for your life beyond parenting.

Looking forward to hearing your stories,
Natalie
Email Natalie, natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA
Call for a private telephone consultation Ask about support groups Invite her to speak in your community

Look for something to add beauty to your transition days.  For me, it is flowers and photos.  What is it for you that helps during changes besides for the softest Kleenex during a well needed deep cry, over and over or comfort food like Mac and Cheese? 

I start my day in my small garden looking for a beauty to bring inside at eye's view.  Beauty reminds me of the bigger picture of life and the mystery.  I honestly believe sorrowful days, losses, and the unknown won't last forever and that is one of the ways I get through the pain and disappointment.

- I acknowledge the good I have passed on to others.
- I massage my feet and hands.
- I watch a silly movie on TV.
- Chat with a friend

I plan something easy to look forward to which is a FARMER'S MARKET.  A friend asked me, "Why do you come to the market if you don't buy anything?"

My response," I like seeing the children with their canvas bags and tiny hands eating apricots, and parents wiping their cheeks, and people with their dogs sitting sipping coffee.  I love the surprise, like the black beets and sweet limes. People are happy and chatty at the markets. They share a recipe and say "Oh that vendor has the best cherries. Go get some."

I remind myself to not need any answers today. Stay open. Notice what I am interested in.
I let myself be tearful or angry.

I ask for help like the time I sent five postcards with the question, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BE WHEN I GROW UP with my return address and stamp on the card.

I tell myself, STOP IT.  When my mind is running and I am tripping over the chatter that is repetitive like a hamster on a wheel, I just tell myself, STOP IT.  Believe it or not, that works for me.

I review where I am in and out of balance.  What needs my attention which could be health, doctor appointments, relatives, creativity, and spirituality.

I ask for help.  I know I said this before and it needs repeating.  Help.

We forget to spend money when we think we can solve the questions ourselves. Am I solving the questions?  How long will I go without picking up the phone and making an appointment with someone who can advise me?

I remind myself how I make decisions by looking at decisions I made in the past.

Who am I now?  Who am I not?  Who do I need to become in this next chapter of life?

I turn to the arts for healing whether that is writing, photography, museum time, collages, pastel drawings.

WHAT DO YOU DO?  WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WOULD DO?

Take good care,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA.
Call for a private telephone consultation. Ask how to have a support group in your area.

Empty bird house with a knob that could open what?  Parents and Boomers shared with me that the overall do over in parenting would be to worry less and simply enjoy the relationship with their children and to not compare themselves with what other families are doing.   They talked about intellectualizing parenting by over thinking every action they and their children were doing rather than laughing more and seeking help when needed.

Bottom line was they felt relief in hearing that other parents had similar experiences with parenting.  They came to an accepting place that they did the best they could and they also made mistakes.  It isn't easy to carry both realizations connected by the word AND....we made mistakes and we did the best we could then. 

AND is the HERO in what you could do over.  You can list what worries you that you didn't teach your children:  didn't teach them finances,  to write thank you notes no matter what, to get up and let an elder sit there , to follow through, to apologize, to keep going after you lick your wounds, to be on time.  You can write your mistakes of spoiling them and getting them what the other children had even if you couldn't afford it or you let them off the hook because they were sad or had too much homework.

Ten minutes out of a week to write what chatters in your head and causes distraction is worth doing despite the part of you that says you don't like to write or it won't help.  You can list the things and definitely not care about complete sentences or grammar.

When you know what bothers you about parenting it might help you get present with who you are today and who they are rather than dragging bricks in your suitcase of life.  Who doesn't make mistakes with raising children?  Who doesn't forget what being a parent means to them?

Regrets that you didn't focus more on yourself or that you gained weight, or didn't make time for creativity, relaxation or ask your partner what they needed, seems to be normal on the regret sheet.

Peek in that bird house. Turn the knob.  Visit memories. Let yourself fly free.
  
If I can help, email natalie@emptynestsupport.com.

Call for a private telephone consultation, 818-763-0188 or invite me to come speak in your community. 

I began Empty Nest Support Services so no one would have to go through this major life transition alone. 

Change happens.

Take Care,

Natalie

College is over. High school is over. Faded memories for everyone.  Summer weddings and new families joining. 

Boot camp and service.  Parents are asking me, now what? How do I have a good summer with my adult children and enjoy it when I know they will leave?  Who am I?

 Transitions will never end, so don't you think it helps to practice enjoying the life you have now?  When you jump ahead what value is given to you?

Does it help you build a plan? Does it ask you how you are doing with trusting yourself and your adult children?  Are you good at asking for help?

Are the feelings of sadness appearing to be more than you can handle?  All might be true and this is NORMAL. Find support.

If I could grant a wish it would be let yourself feel whatever you are feeling and whenever they surface.  Get support for this major life transition.  Why would you go through the journey alone? This is why I created Empty Nest Support Services.

I have had parents share with me:

- I feel embarrassed and shame about these deep feelings of lose.  After all, I will see my children again, just not like it was.
- No one wants to talk about empty nest?  They think I need to get busy and on with my life.
- I get stuck because my friend's kids are doing great and mine might not stay in college.  I feel like I failed.
- I spoiled my kids and now I am stuck with them at home.
- I want to study abroad and I am jealous of their life.
- I feel like I lost so much that I had.  My children. My home. My marriage.
- Who am I?
- How do I make new friends at this stage of my life?
- I have no idea what I want to do with my free time?
- I am bored and feel no purpose but running errands and helping them solve problems when they call home.
- I don't know how to do my life when they come back home. 
- I get resentful that they change the plans so often.
- I don't like their boyfriend/girlfriend, do I have to?
- I feel isolated.
- I just don't have the zest I had now that I am not a parent everyday.
- I am afraid they aren't street wise?
- I am single and just don't think I will ever meet anyone?
- I made mistakes and can't get over it.
- I don't like my kids right now.

I am sure you can add to this list.  Empty Nest is a major life transition with a minimum of a road map.

Let yourself off the hook to gather answers NOW.  Ask yourself questions:

- How well am I treating myself?
- Who do I trust?
- Do I like being outside, in a group, small gathering, going to a class, leadership role, observer, seeing movies, sports, the arts, etc.
- Do I want time to not commit to anything and feel good about that?
- What am I feeling right now? What do I need today?

There are many questions to jump start and be on an exploration.  You are on a hunt.

This stage is not about filling up your time in order to feel better and yet for some that is fine because it works for them.

It is a grieving time for what will never be again and that you don't have forever anymore.

Loss magnifies other losses...friends who died, break ups, parents who died, loss of money, career.

Health issues emerge.

Caring for parents or special needs children gets louder.

You get depleted.

And it is also a new freedom and joy you just can't imagine yet.  I and many others love this time of life.  We have had years of practice.  Use us for support.  You know yourself better than anyone else.  You know your family.  You don't need to go day to day without someone to speak with or feel a connection that is real.

I can't tell you how many parents thought they would be just fine until the house got silent.

Some are amazed how the shift/role change has affected their life. Their head and heart haven't become best buds yet.  Too much chatter and spinning.

Too much worry and regrets.  Too much of NO answers, yet.  Too much missing the life they had. Too much sitting alone.

ALL NORMAL. Painful and not forever.

You just hit a pot hole over and over when you want a guarantee.  I for sure have hit that bump many times.  Trust and enjoying the ride is a practice. We all fall down no matter how old we are, don't you think? 

Let me know how I can help you.  Be gentle with yourself. You have never been here before and it is an unraveling feeling at times.  You miss people you love.

What isn't normal about that?

Email me, Natalie@emptynestsupport.com

Talk about your memories.  Enjoy them. They are part of your life for always.

Take good care,
Natalie
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA

Isn't this signup sheet fun? I saw it at the UCLA BOOK FAIR.  My friend said she wanted to post it on her front door as an idea for summer fun.

So how about sharing with others, ideas of what to read this summer? 

I am reading: THE SECRET LIFE OF EMILY DICKINSON by Jerome Charyn FIRE IN THE BLOOD by Irene Nemirovsky and the cookbook, MEXICAN EVERYDAY, by Rick Bayless

I don't know what I will read next?

So what's on your list?  I love the Sunday Los Angeles Times and NY Times.

My treat is to buy newspapers in airports when I travel.  What are your treats?

Have fun and share what you are reading here.

Natalie

natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA

Are your children back home or not coming home except for a short visit?

Are your children planning marriage, boot camp, or internships?  Season changes into summer. I always long for a vacation. Memories of family trips and splashes in the back yard pool, followed by wet feet on the house floor and burning the BBQ chicken because I answered the phone, visit me when school is out.  I can get triggered when I hear my neighbors two young ones bouncing balls and jumping in their pool.

Maybe this summer you can plan a way to sit with someone you enjoy.  It could be you sitting with you.  My friend is going to begin water coloring rather than large canvas paintings.  She will sit with herself and her paints.

Making time to focus on yourself is a good thing whether kids, grandchildren, or family members come to visit.  It is different to not fully fall into the mother or father roll and still hold that precious safety and role modeling for children.

If you are going to visit them, would you make plans to see an art exhibit if they couldn't join you or take yourself out for a walk to a café or do you feel you have to be available to them?

Do you want to sit with a relative, old friend, a mentor?

Making a plan for yourself is self care and I don't think we practice.  We get into the shoulds of being a partner or sibling or daughter or son or parent for sure.  A client shared with me that down deep she was afraid if she weren't the giver that people would forget to call her and she would be alone.  She feared their criticism and yet she came to realize she could never do it RIGHT ALL THE TIME.  She wanted to do RIGHT by herself first and not others.  That is who she wants to sit with today, HERSELF.  She plans to make that her summer goal and if she makes to a gym, bonus.

Who do you want to sit with this summer?

Have fun,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles, CA

I saw this statue and felt its protection.  I wondered who is a constant in the lives of Boomers and Empty Nesters?  Children leave, friends move away, parents die, couples divorce, finances and health change, and still there is someone who stands up for you, isn't there?

 I think you only need one person that no matter what, you can call and share your happiness and your disappointments. There are some people who have groups of friends and others who can count them on one hand.  No right way to live your life, as you know.  Community shifts when school days end and you choose not to gather at a religious location.

 Where do you find connection?  How do you connect with yourself?  My signal that I need to slow down and get quiet is when I am irritable.  It often means that I also need help. Help could be emotional or the to do list or new insights with work and family.  I need to slow down to even know what I need. Beauty, and getting outside help me shift.  What helps you stand tall again after feelings surface?  I actually like to meditate. Not for an hour but for twenty minutes or so.  I practice not answering emails or picking up the phone when I know I need to answer within myself.

You can stand up for yourself which can mean resting, being non productive, having fun and not pushing the work, saying NO. I bet you could add to the list of how you stand up for yourself.

• Unavailable
• Refresh your home space
• Get nurtured
• Journal
• Meditate
• Listen to music
• Read
• Walk in the early morning
• Tea time in your yard
• Love letter to yourself
• The arts

Stand tall and enjoy this entry into summer no matter who is coming home or who is leaving. 

Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188
Los Angeles
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