April 2011 Archives

A mom called with mixed feelings.  She always did mother's day with her mom.  Now she is gone.  She used to complain that she never got HER DAY.  Now she has it and isn't sure what to do with it.  Her children are out of the house.  She wants to change being stuck about having fun.

This mom is an over-worker in order to feel satisfied. No judgment about that choice.  Her sense of humor is a giggle... "too many hats I wear got crushed by the elephant in the room." 

Ready or not here she goes.  Here is her plan:
1. Make a plan once a week that has no value, like exercise, even though fun, and do something pure fun. Close your eyes and ask five times, WHAT MIGHT BE FUN FOR ME?  Listen and see if any images pop.
2. Write a letter to herself, DEAR..... You are a great mom because you....   You don't miss being mom today because you don't have to....   You don't miss being the daughter today because....
Just quick notes, not complete sentences.  Thoughts to ponder or toss.
3. Practice loving the life you have by paying attention to your life in a sweet mirror. WOW, I HAVE SUCH A GREAT LIFE BECAUSE.....
4. Honoring MOTHER ... what does that mean to you in the family and in the bigger picture of life.
5. What has mothering taught you about yourself?  What surprised you?
6. Down the road, what might you be doing for YOU?

Celebrate and pass it on,
Natalie
natalie@emptynestsupport.com
818-763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

No pictures of this.  Early this morning while watering my blooming garden of roses and rosemary budded in small tomatoes, I looked at the pattern of bamboo leaves that wind tossed in our small pool. 

There in the corner, face down, was a baby possum. YUCK.  I walked away.  SAD.  Poor mama.  Poor baby. 

Conscious stepped up.  I got a shovel, box, and fished face down dead possum from the pool.  SORRY.

What brave act did you do that surprised you? 
Onward to new behaviors.....

Have a fun day,
Natalie

When you are going through transitions, do you lean into a daily practice?  Here is one of mine:

I've been doing a lot of thinking
About growing older and moving on
Nobody wants to be told that they're getting on
For a long, long stay
But just how long and who knows
And how and where my spirit will go
Will it soar like Jazz on a saxophone
Or evaporate on a breeze
Won't you tell me please
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

Here on earth I'm a lost soul
Ever trying to find my way back home
Maybe that's why each new star is born
Expanding heaven's room
Eternity in bloom
And will I see you up in that heaven
In all its light will I know you're there
Will we say the things that we never dared
If wishing makes it so
Won't you let me know
That life is eternal
And love is immortal
And death is only a horizon
Life is eternal
As we move into the light
And a horizon is nothing
Save the limit of our sight
Save the limit of our sight

Life is Eternal is a song by Carly Simon. The above are the lyrics

I use music lyrics and poetry for inspiration. I keep them by my bed and one in my wallet.  What do you do or use for inspiration? My friend asked me, how do I make the time to find them, cut them out and put them where I will use them.  How could I not?  I have me to rely on daily and I build my pantry with essentials, like poetry and music.

Happy Spring,
Natalie

Natalie Caine
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in Change is inTIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

CHANGE REQUIRES YOU TO START.  It sounds simple and yet doesn't happen.  Get out of the "why" and the "I am not that way so I can't", and START.  That is the number one block to why change doesn't happen.  You spin in your head or you get amnesia.  START.  Give the person what they need and see what happens.  You can change your mind and course-correct the action after you START.

Boomers, empty nesters, and college students going through transitions don't ask for enough help.

A family spoke with me about being stuck.  Who doesn't get stuck?  Their communication got more silent and their anxiety rose because of not feeling like they could ask for what they needed. Judged and having that used against them , froze them asking.

Brad told me he asked, but not much came of it.

He wanted support in feeling lonely and confused.  Mom, felt worn out and didn't realize she wasn't hearing, THANK YOU.  Their daughter only connects about twice a month since marrying.  These aren't their real names due to privacy, but I think you can relate to their pain and confusion.

What to do:

1. Keep asking for what you need when you aren't upset.  Ask how they could help you.
2. With adult children, they lead so you may have to let that go and trust the love is there when you aren't getting the weekly connections.
3. When a window is shut, go to another one.  If you can't get the support you need from one person find other ways to get your needs met. Other friends, spiritual practices, counselors, mentors.
4. Leave notes of feelings.  A couple I worked with kept a journal rather than having long discussions. They left the journal of their feelings and needs on the kitchen table and read responses that evening.  Safety and style is different for each of us.  This is a way to problem solve someone who isn't as in touch with feelings or as verbal as you.
5. We haven't been taught that once is not enough to ask for what you need whether with work or family.  It is how you ask and when you ask.  Keep it light and open. Empower the other to give you suggestions rather than demanding .
6. Even when you do ask more than once and don't receive what you would like, let it go and ask another time saying how it makes you feel to not be heard or see change. Relationships are about negotiating and leaving the inner child out of the discussion and pulling up the adult who knows how to get beyond their ego and habits.

Change is not a formula even though I offer suggestions. It is a process of going within for clues and repeating that inner connection with self, which I call SELF TALK and creative conversation with self to meet other parts of you.  Make the time. It is worth what you will birth as you travel uncertainties.

Take care,
Natalie
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

Invite her to speak in your community

Empty nesters and Boomers are taking time for music and to unfold.

Time to shift your role.

A couple called me to share they are not connecting well, in other words, no sex, and no conversations except the mandatory chat. Have you been in their shoes?

Each decided to plan a day in the sun.  He chose a baseball game, t shirts, and hotel in their home town.

She made a picnic with Italian flavors of basil and tomatoes.  Google map passed to him because he loves to drive. She included photos of them in the basket and her favorite poems to read out loud. She hopes he won't roll his eyes or he loses the keys and walks back. Music gets them out of their routine and over active brain.  Concerts at a museum are free and outside.

Unfold new parts of yourself whether single or married. Take a photo, like the cactus, that reminds you to unfold rather than criticize yourself or get stuck with perfection.  Keep photos in your vision that being you beauty.

Send photos to connect with others and celebrate SPRING.

Happy Blooming,
Natalie
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

Empty nesters and Boomers have children in their pool or friend's pool but a LIVE DUCK?  Thank goodness I remembered where I put my camera. Calm, beautiful, and happy she permitted me a few shots. After all, I didn't invite her to my pool.

Expect the unexpected whether joyous or challenging. What tool do you need to handle sudden surprises?

1. A camera if joyous.
2. You hear this over and over, TRUST YOURSELF.  You don't need to be fixed or perfect.
You know how to handle uncertainty, you just forget.
3. Get support. Ask for that help. You would be there for someone. Pick up the phone.
4. Practice being uncomfortable in the unknown.  For me that means slowing down and letting go.
5. Remind yourself this situation won't last forever. Feel your feelings whenever and wherever.
6. Remember the bigger picture of life. Write it down. Is it kindness, is it love, is it You are enough no matter what you do in life?
7. Transitions are a time of entering the unknown. Good news is there is a gift in there.

Take good care,
Natalie
Invite her to speak in your community
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
www.emptynestsupport.com

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.