September 2011 Archives

Whether you are on your way to emptying your nest or already sitting in it, the role you lived as parent shifts.  Who are you beyond mother?  Who are you beyond father? 
When you sit with others who are on a similar journey, you feel a bonding, a clan, a place to be right where you are with your full range of thoughts and feelings. 

Until you hug your children goodbye and come back home to their empty room and silence, it isn't real.  You think about.  You wonder how you will be and what will be next for you? You wonder how they will do away from home and support.

I have spoken with thousands of parents across the country. I am an empty nester. Empty nest is an invitation to focus back on self.  It is a stage of your life where you begin to build new inner resources.  You grieve for the role and life you had and at the same time are excited about the new freedom to come for you. 

Even when children graduate high school or college and live at home, due to finances or other challenges, you the parent know, you have been kicked out of the kingdom as you knew it. They want more independence. You feel on tilt because you don't know how to build this new relationship with them.

The school community you had is over.  You are curious about where new friendships will come together.  I haven't met a parent who doesn't long to feel connected with their children and free at the same time. Parts of you, the parent, had to go dormant.  There is only so much energy you have. In this new stage of empty nester, you will find those dormant parts and celebrate what you forgot or chose to put on hold.

I remember recently watching a political historian on a talk show.  She shared her insights about politics today and our future as it connects to what we may learn from past presidents.  She was captivating for me, as always. But, when she sat next to her son, during that same show and looked at him while he was being interviewed, she lit up like I have never seen her before.  Her face said it all.  I am his mom. I am so proud of him right now. I am his mom no matter what age he is (he is past his college graduation).

For me, parenting has been one of my top teachers of life, joyous and challenging for sure.

Get support.  Meet other empty nesters.  You are welcome to connect for free on our website message board with other empty nesters, read the stories and blogs, or call about a support group in your area.

No one needs to go through this major life transition alone.

Take good care,
Natalie
www.emptynestsupport.com
818 763 0188 or 800 446 3310

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Online classes
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Free active message board - connect with others
- Story of the Month
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
- Los Angeles, CA

No matter if you are single, married, retiring, dealing with loss, health challenges, or seeking new inspiration or work, transitions ask you to go within.

My life started early with changes and I think that seeded my passion for teaching and supporting those traveling the unknown.

Tip for today:
Ask yourself daily, "What am I feeling? What am I thinking about? What do I need today?" 

It sounds so simple. I will tell you that in Daspeaking with people across the country, they don't make time to ask those inner questions.

Ask at least five times during your day and evening. One time does not take you deeper into your inner self nor open you to choices.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Online classes
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Free active message board - connect with others
- Story of the Month
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
- Los Angeles, CA

Married, single, career or stay at home parent, change brings vulnerability.

Karen called my office weeping, "I dropped my son off at his dorm and sobbed.  I sobbed right there in front of him. I am not a crier." 

I don't know where we got the idea that we can predict and control our sadness. 
When you are going through a life change, all knowing is off.  You have never been in this moment before, so trust you won't destroy yourself or your kids. Tears fall.

A mother shared with our support group her experience. She said, "He wasn't a freshman off to college, he was a sophomore.  I knew what to expect, but I couldn't hold back my tears. 

He had to get go through security and I had to let him go.  I just cried and cried right there in front of the lines of people who were going somewhere."

You pride yourself in being organized, prepared, pulled together, and then that sudden, unexpected rush of feelings, falls out and surprises you. 

Who is that person losing it?  It is you and so many other parents who hug their children goodbye. 

It isn't just the goodbye, see you soon, love you, it is a new stage of your life that you knew was out there somewhere, but not today.

Seven years ago, I launched Empty Nest Support Services.  I didn't want to go through this life transition without support nor have anyone else walk the walk alone. 

Some people need to get busy, some to be still, some to gather, some to get out of town.  You will discover what you need and when you are stuck, sad, confused, you will find support.  It takes practice to ask for help, to nurture yourself, and mostly to be ok with not knowing what to do or where to head, next. 

I know this because I have lived it over and over throughout my life.  I don't like the unknown.  I don't like saying goodbye to people I adore.  Who does?

I hope you leave your shoulds, and coulds on the street and step inside your home carrying self-compassion and curiosity.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

Private Telephone Consultations
Speaking engagements
Online classes
Support groups
Workshops
Free active message board - connect with others
Story of the Month
Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
Los Angeles, CA

Parents ask me what I do for fun since they are gathering new ideas for themselves.
Here's a short list:

 Read about chefs, meet them and eat at their restaurants (do you know who is in this photo I captured?)
 Start my day with black coffee and pruning my organic veggie and flower garden
 Read novels and newspapers
 Movies with chocolate covered pretzels for snack
 Out to dinner with hubby so we can catch up and laugh away from home
 Day trips on the road
 Music
 Yoga
 Zumba
 Cooking Time with friends, anywhere, anytime
 Piano
 Farmer's market everywhere and anywhere, even when I travel for work
 Eat outside
 Photography
 My work is actually fun...don't hate me.
 Writing
 Retreats
 Just started, literally just tried, watercolors...maybe that will be fun, maybe not.
 Collages
 Hiking
 Planning trips and hanging with the locals
 Connecting with people in my neighborhood at local café or walking
 Spontaneity
 Remembering my night dreams and talking with my friends about "What did that mean?"
 Decorating my home by moving things around every season, de-cluttering, adding new beauty if needed
 Organizing my office and home, relief and fun
 My cat Sophie
 Sunrise out my window
 Sunset walks on the hill
 Walking around a lake, early morning when the mist rises

Wow, just noticed the thought of my daughter came now and not earlier. I adore her. Time together is fun because we have so much in common.

Well off to a meeting. Add what you like to do so others can get inspired.
Lists keep growing and get deleted when you allow yourself to be open and not always listen to the voice in your head that has repeatedly steered you wrong, meaning, hasn't allowed you to be and do.  Do you know that voice in your head very well?

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188

Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.

-Private Telephone Consultations
-Speaking engagements
-Online classes
-Support groups
-Workshops
-Free active message board - connect with others
-Story of the Month
-Facebook, Linked In, Twitter
-Los Angeles, CA