Who doesn't fall in tears and laughter about their life? Transitions bring reflections. Nothing lasts forever and that includes friendships.
Differences pop up with partners, friends, parents, children, siblings, colleagues. When people share their loss of friends and their want to lose them, they feel embarrassed. Embarrassed like a divorce. They feel they failed because they couldn't stay happy with their friend. They feel unwanted when the phone doesn't ring and they have no plans for the week. Solo time feels like a punishment rather than a gift. Truth is, more people than you know, want to wave goodbye and break up with a friend. More people than you know didn't live the life the world imaged for them.
So what is the gift and the curse of what happened and didn't happen in your life?
1. You get to begin again.
2. You get to change your mind. You are an adult and earned the badge.
3. You see new perspectives about who you are and who you aren't.
4. You practice forgiveness of self then others.
5. You gather new resources that you now need.
6. You weep and don't drown and weep again.
7. You become more of who you want to be now.
8. You walk with compassion and curiosity in ways you never imagined.
9. New is good. Awkward is normal.
10. Unknown is actually a fresh location in your heart.
What helps in the unknown is to take the hand of not knowing and hold it with the hand of what you do know. Become friends with both. Not everything you think is true. Open and be in wonderment.
A woman shared with me during a telephone consultation that she couldn't believe at her age, she had to start over. Funds were OK, but less than two years ago. She was going through divorce after a seventeen year marriage.
Her girlfriends seemed in another world than hers. Her children were in college. She works, but not fulfilled. You can tell the losses were bringing up self-doubt and self-criticism. It seems we get in a habit of down grading ourselves rather than compassion.
We just don't know where to turn or how to begin with a list of transitions. She will have to move. Her house cleanup is a pile of memories. She decided to pick one new thing that would help her during the week. For her, it was writing a goal for each day.
She realized the overwhelm of a long to do list and the sorrow made her scattered. She also added something to look forward to during the week and wrote that down.
Each of us learns more about ourselves when walking changes. My hope is you never forget to be gentle with yourself and reach out to someone for help.
Take good care,
Natalie Caine M.A.
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Featured in TIME MAGAZINE, NY TIMES, HUFFINGTON POST, LIFETIME RADIO FOR WOMEN, LA TIMES, USA TODAY, WASHINGTON POST, BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
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