March 2012 Archives

The vote from my groups, that I share with you is, MAKE A PLAN. 

Some mothers shared they have a habit of waiting around to see if their children who are home from college will be free to do something with them.  The wait made them feel resentful that they wasted their day. 

Their children did not ask them to wait around.  A woman who is not a mother said that she is joining a local community garden for a day to help out and seed some new energy in the dirt. 

Some shared they are having house guests and left a list of FUN THINGS TO DO IN THE CITY, so they wouldn't get burned out helping them for four days. 

Karen booked a city tour in her own city with a roof top opening van.  She wanted to make a plan for something she has never done.  Her family is not around and there is no HUNT or MATZAH.

You can easily get seduced and lose a day on your computer.  You can wait and see what you want to do or you can plan the night before and get out the door on the weekend doing what you don't usually.

Elizabeth planned for two friends to come over and bring their favorite photos from their past.  Each person also brought food to share.  They talked about the photos and had great time together.  Elizabeth sent each home with a seed packet to plant in their home to celebrate new beginnings.

People like to gather and get uplifted with new places and energy.  What would be fun for you to do in the month of April?

Take care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Cherry blossoms open Spring.  A client shared with me that Spring insures new possibilities, but what for her?  She was sad because romance is invisible. 

As often as you hear it, solution of loss means tears, grieving for what is no longer with someone you loved.  It is never predictable how long tears fall. 

She felt betrayed by giving so much of herself to this partnership. She came to realize she gave because she loved.  She believed in the commitment and the good feelings she use to have.

The shift she wants to practice is not being critical of herself for what she did or did not do in putting her voice in the room and her shoes out the door.   She wants to begin a journal of what she does love about her life.  She doesn't like to write and at the same time, wants to heal.  Her journal may be three or four words before bed, along with the softest box of aloe Kleenex she can find.

Her second practice is to walk her neighborhood and get coffee at the local cafe in order to be around vibrant life.

Third, she wants to find a class to learn how to make cards into a business.  She is an artist.

Change of habit usually takes thirty days.  You will be motivated and you will collapse.  Both behaviors are normal when going through changes.  What matters is to be kind to yourself no matter what, and BEGIN AGAIN.  Get support.

Another client has been working on planning more fun for herself.  She is now blooming with two new things that make her happy, reading to children at a local library and training to be a docent. 

What do you want to bloom before the end of 2012?  Who can help you?  What small step can you make this week?

May the beauty of SPRING, move you forward to what matters to you today,

Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

One of the top reasons people don't move on a dream I hear from clients and during workshops is, "I can't really do this alone.  I get started and do well for about two weeks and then, if things aren't going well, I collapse."

1. Love
2. Re-invention
3. Healthy choices
4. Spiritual practices
5. Forgiving
6. New friends
7. Creativity
8. De-clutter
9. Moving
10. Talking less and listening more
11. Valuing yourself
12. Getting a reality check on finances
13. Entertainment time
14. Working more effectively
15. Reading

The list above, of wants people have, is a lifelong add-on.
Dreams can get dropped because we stop too soon and we don't have trusting support.

PEOPLE DONT ALLOW THEMSELVES TO RECEIVE SUPPORT.  SUPPORT VALIDATES AND INSPIRES.   ASK FOR HELP.   Focus for a week on asking for help.   Who could you call?  Who wants you to be happy?  Who is focused and open?
What support can you discover professionally from others?  Who have you supported? 

Write down daily, who you can ask for help. JUST DO IT.  You would answer a need for someone else if they called.  Fear of being wrong or embarrassed underlies a concern that the person you are sharing with won't hold the information in CONFIDENCE.  Let them know you want to keep this private between the two of you. 

When you know what stops you from moving forward, you can course correct. 

 Melanie told me she just doesn't have the time.  When your want is happiness verses dullness, maybe you can find the time.

 Annie shared with me that she feels unattractive these days.  The help she decided to receive was going by herself to a top department store for a free make up session. 

 Leslie made a list of five people she would run her idea by for re-invention, asking for connections and feedback with her presentation. 

 Mike didn't want dating sites online.  He chose to go early for coffee, out of the house and start up a conversation. 

 Miranda wanted to lose weight and move forward with her health.  She made a list of two healthy recipes and cooked ahead with those ingredients.  

 Kelly wanted to begin a real spiritual journey.  She walked in nature. She practiced ten minutes of eyes closed, seated, and breathing. 

 Todd decided to make a daily check sheet of his happiness. His hope was to discover what brings it down and what lifts it.   

These brave people allowed me to share their first names with you in the hopes of making it real that all of us have dreams and need help.

As you have read in my blogs before, my two lifetime friends are COMPASSION AND CURIOSITY.  Change needs a friend.  You have an orchestra of voices inside you. You can decide who needs volume up and volume down.  It is fun to practice something new.  Call someone.

Take good care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

Some days are boring.  You decide to get in your car.  Not sure what you will do, you go to the familiar. 

I asked my groups where do they go to have a better day and what do they do:

1. Shopping for bargains
2  Look at new cars on the market
3. Garden shops
4. The beach for a walk
5. Dog adoption
6. Bookstore
7. Hit golf balls
8. Buy a new shade of lipstick
9 .Farmer's market
10 New cafe
11 Used book store
12 Gallery
13 Shoe store
14 Yogurt stop
15. Buy a new game board
16 Museum
17 Buy new music
18 Computer store
19 Feed the ducks
20 Read the newspaper at a café
21 Watercolor outside, usually flowers
22 Charcoal art
23 Collages to make with magazine pages
24 Photo animals in the park or shelter 
25 Add to my website

I am sure you could list what lifts your spirits. What you hope to leave in the house, as you venture out, is your inner critic that says, "YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR DAYS.  YOU OVER SPEND TO BE HAPPY."

What is your inner critic saying to you and how can you shift.  "This is the best I can do for today."

Take care,
Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter

What comes to your mind with the word unsatisfied?  Work, relationships, sex, home, fun, sleep, spirituality, etc.?  Good news about letting yourself feel unsatisfied is CHANGE. 

When the pain is more than the gain, do you make a shift?   Do you put your voice in the room?  A woman shared with me that she speaks up about her thoughts and feelings. What is unsatisfying for her is no change arrives from the other person she is speaking with, time after time.  At times, this behavior has diminished her voice, "Why bother? Nothing changes," Her confidence in making change lowers.  She is hurt

Under the frustration of no change is the vulnerability of feeling hurt because she doesn't experience having any impact.  Have you felt that way, too? She values herself and doesn't feel valued by him.

Paradox lives again. On the one hand, saying what you need and not seeing change, is a practice of acceptance.  "This is how she is and there hasn't been any change in the months I have expressed myself." 

On the other hand, is self-care. No, you can't make anyone hear you, implement change, and communicate with you.  Self-care also needs to stand in the room.  You want to express your feelings and needs so it doesn't build to a fire or a brick thrown across the room. 

For one woman, she discovered she needed to walk out of the room when the same behavior showed up day after day , despite her expressing herself with different words and briefly. 

The story doesn't really matter.  What matters is how do you self-care when you are unsatisfied?  What are you learning about you and the other person in the room?  What new tools are possible to self-care?

Where is the behavior that is unsatisfying at times, also, showing up in you, as a mirror?  We forget we can dig deeper and make new choices.  We forget the issue is a part of us and not the all of us.  We forget to ask for help.

Unsatisfied can bring explorations that lead to change.  We need to keep the conversations open and out loud so we don't bury growth.  We need to be met right where we are and step away when no hand is available in that room.  AND is a calming word, isn't it?

How are you self-caring?  When do you put your voice in the room and when do you not?
     

Take good care,

Natalie

Natalie Caine M.A.
Empty Nest Support Services
Life In Transition, What's Next?
(800) 446-3310 or (818) 763-0188
Los Angeles

Featured in Time Magazine, USA Today, Huffington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Lifetime Radio for Women, Chicago Tribune, Sirius, Associated Press, Miami Herald, and many more.

Change is inevitable. Get Ready. Get Support. Life transitions need a hand to hold.
www.emptynestsupport.com
www.lifeintransition.org
 
- Private Telephone Consultations
- Speaking engagements
- Support groups
- Workshops
- Mentoring
- Facebook, Linked In, Twitter