I have been taught about reality and finding ways to take care of me and them. I love them more than I imagined. They taught me that, too.  We are like a city in a city with lights on and off and new people meandering around wondering what's around the corner.

I am strong. I am sad.  I am their mother.  They won't be leaving home, nor will I.  Still, my role as mommy changes, because they grow a year older, as do their hormones. I left the little ones who hold my hands, just like you. I look up to the taller ones and up and up.

Paula

I wanted her to know I care and thought questions are a way to care and to get to know someone better.  It made the conversations more interesting rather than chit chat all the time.   I didn't ask uncomfortable questions, like how is your sex life, which I wish were comfortable for her.  

Women talk.  We share.  I realized I had more interesting conversations with strangers while waiting in line.  I thought back and couldn't remember her asking me questions.  She just talked. Hard to explain, but I get it.  I am different now.  I said goodbye to her and our years of friendship.  Boy was that hard to do. 

I just started feeling like I had to walk on egg shells with subjects that were off topic and I didn't like the lack of her asking me questions. 

Friendships change but I mostly thought that happened through moving or job changes or even divorce. 

I am so glad I came back to me.  Now, it won't be hard if I do have to do it again. 
My time is busy so I want to choose at this stage of life, people who are fun or at least. I am relaxed around them. 

Have your friendships changed?  Have you changed?

Thanks for listening.
Kari

They love me that I know.  Their story doesn't matter.  For me, I am solo and made new plans this year.  My kids have to do what they have to do with new relationships and I have to celebrate life in memories of them and phone call voices and new ideas.

Here is my plan this year.  Chat with each child when we can on Thanksgiving.  Serve at a soup kitchen downtown in the day.  Evening, eat with a friend next door and share stories.  Movie the next day. 

When it is written it doesn't sound like much of a celebration.  It is for me.   I am free.  I am safe.  I am independent, healthy, and proud of the life I have lived.  I don't fit the Hallmark image.  Finally I fit my own image.  I am a baker for fun and that shines during this season.  I give it away because my fun is in the cooking and knocking on the door.

I wish there were more stories on TV of people changing holiday traditions as they live longer and accept families connect when they can.

I am grateful I make my happiness and health by waving away the negativity and applauding the good I have.

Meranda

Have you had these thoughts, too?

I know the economy is challenging but I am a go getter.  I don't want to volunteer since I have done that for years.  I want more meaning and new friendships.  Just like partners don't last, friendships need a break up too.

Where do you meet new friends?  I don't golf. 

I just am interested in what new careers some of you have explored and how did you begin?  I thought of helping out for a day to see if I like that career.

I am an attorney.  I thought of teaching.

Friendships seem scattered now.  I want to add new connections and see if they grow into more meaningful friends at this time of my life. We don't have the same interests or giving to each other.

Have any of you gone through these changes with work and friendships?  I love to travel but that won't do it for me as far as fulfillment.

Thank you,
Isabelle

When I write this I act as if I am the one going off to college. Crazy me.  I am just deeply in the last hoorah of mother role.  Yes, she could do all this.  I want to do it and she isn't complaining, so far, except for plans to bond.  She is into last minute choices not commitments a week out.

I don't blame her.  I am just holding the door knob so tight with both of us in her room.

She is not my first to go.  My son leaped a year ago.   Weepy mom slobbered on my shirt so he wouldn't see me freaking out about GOODBYE baby boy.

I don't even know what I should and shouldn't be doing, let alone feeling.  Honestly, I don't think I would care right now.  I just have to do what I have to do until she yells at me or I collapse. Collapse is the goal because it is a sure sleep success.

Will you help me after I come back from the hug goodbye?  Will you tell me this is how parents feel and I will be ok?  Will you help me find something that I care about with my free time?  Will you just keep her happy and safe?  Oh, you don't do that do you?  Well who does do that?

Keep in touch, ok?  Swim and float with me when I get back home from her dorm.
Bye for now,

Mom on the verge of the biggest letting go she has ever been called to live.

We are so busy now but soon that silence will be too much.  I work, am married, and am a go getter, but not feeling the energy of planning for this change. 
All those years of parenting and being with other parents is shifting.  I don't even know what my role with him is as he launches his adulthood.

Sure, I will enjoy the free time but not the non-connect. I am not asking him to call once a week. It is up to him.  I just haven't found much support for this new time of life that is around the corner.

Thank goodness I found empty nest support services so I don't think I am nuts or alone on my new self-journey.  I wonder who I will become?

So that's my story,
Ally

I feel so shocked that he is leaving for college, college.  We all are well educated and worker bees.  I love being mom and think that will change when he leaves.  I had no idea I would be tearful, weepy unexpectedly.  I am mom more than worker bee.  What will I be when his room empties and he isn't home for weeks and weeks.  I have no idea. 

All his friends, and teachers, and that life at school is closing.  I sure complained about the after school games and hours of homework and of course, the driving which I won't miss.  The spontaneous talks in the kitchen and the little and big decisions about camp or going to a friend's.  Now they are his decisions. 

What is mine?  What in life is mine.  I never thought about that before. This is the beginning of new thoughts. I hope I have a community to share with as I crawl on this new road. 

Thanks for listening.  His mom....

But, I am mom, his mom.  I just like his company and his friends.  I have tried new activities and joined book groups to meet to new people.  They aren't family.  Often, my friends complain about their family.  I do too, but today, I would love that family around. 

So enough complaining.  I am taking myself on a Spring Fling.  Packing up my car and heading down the road to bed and breakfast since other people will be there.

I have no plans but to be in a new place for a couple of days.  Feels good for now.  I might get lonely at night, but it will pass.  I just need more time to weep and try some new things before I feel ok. Thanks for listening.

Gloria

I am in a top career world. Yes, I have made a difference by being in this career. 

I want to leave the stress of it and the boredom. I want to teach and only work part time. 

I just met with a financial advisor.  It was worth the money.  I say I want to teach but not sure at this stage of life if I want to go back to school.  I really want to do my art. 

Do you go through these uncertainties because of your age and money?

What did you change when you were an empty nester besides for their room?

Charlotte

By Anonymous

I learned I needed just one person to be there for me.  I can do this.  Research is easy for me. Talking to people is easy. Going from what I know into what I don't know, isn't easy.  What if I leave and the new job is worse?  She reminded me, everyone has that fear, and again, I am not trapped.  I can change again.  I can do a lot of research and talk to people before I say yes to the new job. 

I can be me and still take a chance that my choice won't be great.  Some things aren't visible until you are sitting in the new chair, so no beating up on myself if I make a choice I don't like. 

I can even talk with my new boss about giving the company what they want and letting me be me. Be communicative and remember it is a job, not the all of me.

So wish me luck and tell me if you ever changed jobs and what happened.

Thanks for listening,
Kara

JCShil

I am ready for 2011. It must be better than last year.  What I am not ready for is figuring out how to deal with so many changes.  My job is too stressful and for years I say I will leave.   This year I will.  I think I wish someone would just ask me to come on board and that won't really happen.  I don't like the resume updates and I do like the interviews.   I think I will get to my local colleges and have a talk with someone.

If I need to go back to school, I will.  I hope I get a loan.

My children are in college. They are of course all about themselves but it is their age and of course they make mistakes, it is part of growing.  I just wish I had someone to brainstorm and heal my mistakes.  That person would be me.  Great friends but not the same as family.

My partner is more routine than I and not much of a seeker. I want to shake that up this year but it takes two.   I am so hungry for change and at the same time, where do I begin so I feel productive?  Winter is not my best season but no choice in that.  Do you ever feel like your head has answers but your heart is sensitive and your feet are just too tired to kick it up? How do you gear up?

Thank you for listening,
Anna

I wouldn't want to be without it.  Going out of town or to restaurants isn't the answer.  I have just come to realize I need to do more fun for me and even ask for help more often.

I turn my down feelings around whenever I think about people who lost their children or can't see them during the holidays or even people I love who have died.  It does help.

Each year I say I will do less for holidays and this year I did.  House looks great. Gifts are good and food is going to smell and taste great.
Sometimes I think, well, they might not be able to come next year so gear up and just enjoy each other.  That helps me shift my dragging attitude.

Thanks for letting me write to you. What do others do to cope?

Merry Seasons of Joy and Health to you,

Andrea

I make lists of my dreams like traveling solo to Brazil and really liking it.  First I will do a road trip.  Divorce messes up choices and hope.  I am so strong it is silly.  I just keep going after I dump my stress on myself and sometimes others.  I get up and go.
Do you think it is better to figure it all out or sometimes let the hurt feelings, the confusion, just go and see what happens.  Feels like a chill until I can stop the stress, de frost my obsessive thoughts, and appreciate.

It has been challenging to make new friends beyond my work life.  People just have their life.  I am taking Spanish.  How do you meet people?  Honestly, I like time with me and not always being mother, so when she leaves I do get back into my life.  I just feel this loneliness.  I don't really have someone to talk to about my daughter like if I had her father around or a partner that cared for her.  Good news or challenging with her, it would be better to share the concerns and joys with a partner who cares because he has always been with her. 

I thank you for being here today. Will you share?

Carol